Tonight I slipped away from the Silent Retreat that I have been attending, so have one last regular coffee date with my best friend. For the past three and a bit years we have been blessed to see each other every other week. Together we have walked through some very dark and hard times. I have spent time wondering about God's timing, and why the journey down to Abbotsford has to stop now. I know why and that is I am going to have children and driving pregnant on bad roads is not wise. Okay driving on bad roads is not wise period!
Tonight was an evening of crying about the fact that we will miss each other. It is not a good bye in that we have the phone and we will see each other from time to time. It is just not the same. Going from ever other week , to maybe every other month or two. She has walked with me as I have journeyed into the dark and hard places I needed to bring light to in order to heal, and I got the blessing of being a part of her life and the life of her little amazing boy - Josiah. Tonight she blessed me by giving me one of Josiah's first and favorite toys. I remember him and I playing with it at the hospital many times I came to visit. I know Jaris will love playing with it. She also gave me a blanket, and miracle blanket, because just as her son was a miracle - the son I carry is my miracle child!
I wish good byes were not so hard, even if they are not a permanent good bye! Two big good byes in a few days. Oiy! So not fair, and so not fun. Yet the I also know the two amazing journey companions I have said good bye to are not out of my life permanently. Our walking together will just look different, and I will through the tears say thank you to Jesus for the blessing of the amazing times we have had together so far!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Saying Good Bye
I always knew this day would come, and there was a time that I wanted it to come quickly. I remember being a newly wed and sitting in office/room with her and saying "I have been seeing you now for 10 freaking months it is time for me to be done." Well now just over three years have passed and I have made my last official bi-weekly trip to Abbotsford.
The night before I drove down Jesus prepared me for this, however I really did not want to believe that I would stop making trips a whole month before I had planned too! However I know that Jesus knows what is best and if that is how Jesus was leading me he confirmed it with what Joy said to me.
My life has been blessed by her, and apparently this was not a goodbye we are never seeing each other again since they have made it clear they are coming to meet our amazing little miracle once he is born. Blessed once again by that! I think know that she will not completely disappear out of my life all together will help my heart in transitioning from seeing her ever other week to occasionally. How do you say goodbye to someone who has help to shape and mold the person you have become, and who has positively influenced your relationship with God? Good thing I had my lap top with me so I could read to her the goodbye letter I prepared 2 months ago when we thought we were going to adopt a little boy! And I am proud to say I cried while reading the whole thing.
So now I am off to a 3 and a half day Silent Retreat! I know that Jesus and I have a lot to talk about, and maybe I will get to catch up on some sleep while I am there too!
The night before I drove down Jesus prepared me for this, however I really did not want to believe that I would stop making trips a whole month before I had planned too! However I know that Jesus knows what is best and if that is how Jesus was leading me he confirmed it with what Joy said to me.
My life has been blessed by her, and apparently this was not a goodbye we are never seeing each other again since they have made it clear they are coming to meet our amazing little miracle once he is born. Blessed once again by that! I think know that she will not completely disappear out of my life all together will help my heart in transitioning from seeing her ever other week to occasionally. How do you say goodbye to someone who has help to shape and mold the person you have become, and who has positively influenced your relationship with God? Good thing I had my lap top with me so I could read to her the goodbye letter I prepared 2 months ago when we thought we were going to adopt a little boy! And I am proud to say I cried while reading the whole thing.
So now I am off to a 3 and a half day Silent Retreat! I know that Jesus and I have a lot to talk about, and maybe I will get to catch up on some sleep while I am there too!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Ultrasound
Our little one looking at us! Okay I know that he probably was not meaning to look at us and yet, it is nice to think he was!
Sucking his cute little thumb, or praying that his mommy would be aloud to go to the washroom
soon so he would have more room to do flips and such!
soon so he would have more room to do flips and such!
Just laying there, for brief second, before he started jumping again!
All four of the pictures they gave us! I love looking at these pictures, and getting to listen to his heart beat every day! It is one of the last things I do before I go to bed at night dreaming about my son! He sure is a little cutie pie!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
BOY oh BOY! Week 19
So it is official we are having a boy!!!!!!! My 19 week ultrasound was today and let me tell you having to drink that much water and not get to pee is not what I call fun, however it was so worth it to see our little prince! The last time we saw him was at 7 weeks and he looked more like a seahorse. This time he looked like a little boy with a face, arms, legs, and of course a penis!
During the ultra sound he gave the technician a run for her money because he would not stop moving around! He did flips, and jumping jacks, and just plain old squirmed around!!!!!!! I think we have a future basketball player on our hands!
We are so stoked to be having a little boy, and we don't even need to buy many clothes for him because my sister is giving me all the clothes that my little nephew has out grown. So sweet! Of course though if I see something adorable I will go and buy it, because that is me. We did buy him so very cute little shoes today and a cute little stuffed turtle!
So sometime in early April Jaris Zachery Krahn will be born and we are over the moon with joy and anticipation. That is all for now!
During the ultra sound he gave the technician a run for her money because he would not stop moving around! He did flips, and jumping jacks, and just plain old squirmed around!!!!!!! I think we have a future basketball player on our hands!
We are so stoked to be having a little boy, and we don't even need to buy many clothes for him because my sister is giving me all the clothes that my little nephew has out grown. So sweet! Of course though if I see something adorable I will go and buy it, because that is me. We did buy him so very cute little shoes today and a cute little stuffed turtle!
So sometime in early April Jaris Zachery Krahn will be born and we are over the moon with joy and anticipation. That is all for now!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Well my dear hubby has been sick for the past few days, and his cough seems to be getting worse! We were sleeping in separate rooms to keep me from getting sick, however once his fever broke he came back to our room, however after this last night I am seriously thinking about kicking him out of the room again! His coughing would wake up the best of sleepers, and I am far from being the best of sleepers!!!!!!!!! Oh well seriously I love him very much, and not snuggling and cuddling for the last little while has totally sucked! Needless to say that today he does not get a choice about going to the doctor.
In other news Christmas decorations are well on their way to be all set up. I love decorating especially since everything is color coded! I know I am anal about making sure everything matches! However I love how it looks. When our kids are old enough we will let them set up a tree in the toy room and decorate it however they want to decorate it, as long as mommy still gets to have her three other trees all color coordinated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
This is how crazy I get with things matching. When we first found out I was pregnant I crocheted 3 blankets for our baby. Two for a girl and one for a boy. However a few days ago I realized that they would not match with the color that we are painting the nursery, so I went out and bought fabric and hand stitched a baby blanket to match the nursery, and I am in the process of hand sewing another one. I know using my sewing machine would be much quicker however it if I did it that way I would be done quicker and then be looking for other things to keep me occupied. Oiy!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I could just clean the house all the time, however that is no fun.
Tomorrow is my ultrasound, and I am very much looking forward to that! I have been feeling him or her move, however now I am looking forward to seeing him or her looking like a baby. We have a picture from my 7 week ultrasound, however he or she looks like a seahorse in that one. So bring on the star of the baby pictures with this ultra sound!!!!!!
In other news Christmas decorations are well on their way to be all set up. I love decorating especially since everything is color coded! I know I am anal about making sure everything matches! However I love how it looks. When our kids are old enough we will let them set up a tree in the toy room and decorate it however they want to decorate it, as long as mommy still gets to have her three other trees all color coordinated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
This is how crazy I get with things matching. When we first found out I was pregnant I crocheted 3 blankets for our baby. Two for a girl and one for a boy. However a few days ago I realized that they would not match with the color that we are painting the nursery, so I went out and bought fabric and hand stitched a baby blanket to match the nursery, and I am in the process of hand sewing another one. I know using my sewing machine would be much quicker however it if I did it that way I would be done quicker and then be looking for other things to keep me occupied. Oiy!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I could just clean the house all the time, however that is no fun.
Tomorrow is my ultrasound, and I am very much looking forward to that! I have been feeling him or her move, however now I am looking forward to seeing him or her looking like a baby. We have a picture from my 7 week ultrasound, however he or she looks like a seahorse in that one. So bring on the star of the baby pictures with this ultra sound!!!!!!
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Week 18
Week 18 - so not too much new going on. I am feeling a little more movement I think, however it could also be gas!!!!! :) The baby is more active in the evening and at night. I am enjoying having the doppler to listen to his or her heart beat whenever I want to. Having this luxury is a blessing and helps put my mind a little bit at rest. I am looking forward to my ultra-sound on Tuesday when we get to see our little one!
My tummy is growing every week! It is interesting and challenging to watch my tummy grow larger when I worked so hard to get it smaller. However I worked so hard so I might be able to to get pregnant some day! Go figure!
Jeral and I went to Abbotsford this past week on Tuesday. We were looking forward to hanging out with Jeral's sister and her family for the evening in Vancouver. We had a great supper and then played a few rounds of dutch blitz. Then we headed into Abbotsford for the night. We stayed at the same hotel we normally stay at when we are there. We were looking forward to a night relaxing evening together, however Jeral got sick so we had a quiet night with lots of orange juice and halls etc. The next day the plan was Jeral was going to come with me to one of my 2 sessions however in the end he came to both. It was good to just talk through some things with someone we both trust and respect. I only have three more trips down there and then I am done with therapy for now. I try not to think about it too much however, it is hard not too!
Now we are home and I get to take care of my baby (hubby), when he lets me. Right now he is out doing chores on the farm. I personally think he needs to be curled up in bed with a book and a cup of tea, or he can sit and watch "A BABY STORY" with me.
That is it for now!
My tummy is growing every week! It is interesting and challenging to watch my tummy grow larger when I worked so hard to get it smaller. However I worked so hard so I might be able to to get pregnant some day! Go figure!
Jeral and I went to Abbotsford this past week on Tuesday. We were looking forward to hanging out with Jeral's sister and her family for the evening in Vancouver. We had a great supper and then played a few rounds of dutch blitz. Then we headed into Abbotsford for the night. We stayed at the same hotel we normally stay at when we are there. We were looking forward to a night relaxing evening together, however Jeral got sick so we had a quiet night with lots of orange juice and halls etc. The next day the plan was Jeral was going to come with me to one of my 2 sessions however in the end he came to both. It was good to just talk through some things with someone we both trust and respect. I only have three more trips down there and then I am done with therapy for now. I try not to think about it too much however, it is hard not too!
Now we are home and I get to take care of my baby (hubby), when he lets me. Right now he is out doing chores on the farm. I personally think he needs to be curled up in bed with a book and a cup of tea, or he can sit and watch "A BABY STORY" with me.
That is it for now!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Week 17
Hmmm - what has week 17 brought! Well our playpen has arrived for our little Joy Bug!!! I love getting all this new stuff. We also decided to by a Doppler for at home from a place called Tummy Tickles. We actually could have rented one from them, however we would have spent just as much money renting one as we did with buying the one we bought. So the one we bought came in the mail yesterday. I was not too sure if it would work, however it works. I am so excited to get to hear the babies heart beat whenever I want to now. Last night as Jeral and I were going to bed he asked if I was going to listen to the heart beat before going to bed. Really he just wanted to hear again. So we listened to the most amazing sound in the world one last time before drifting off to sleep.
Jeral is almost finished with the reno's to the new guest room and then we will begin painting the nursery sometime in November, and get things set up in there! The guest room seriously looks awesome. Once it is complete I will post pictures of the before and after!
I have begun to gradually set up things for Christmas! Well for now just the nativity sets. I am thinking I will get the trees up in one room sometime this week. I love decorating for Christmas!
Life is good - not perfect, however it is good. And we feel very blessed!
Jeral is almost finished with the reno's to the new guest room and then we will begin painting the nursery sometime in November, and get things set up in there! The guest room seriously looks awesome. Once it is complete I will post pictures of the before and after!
I have begun to gradually set up things for Christmas! Well for now just the nativity sets. I am thinking I will get the trees up in one room sometime this week. I love decorating for Christmas!
Life is good - not perfect, however it is good. And we feel very blessed!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Rambling
Just some ramblings today! This weekend Jeral set up our new entertainment unit, and our new leather ottoman that also functions as a coffee table. Love it, love it, love it! And the TV was delivered yesterday, as well as the new satellite dish got set up. So that meant we could watch Monday Night Football on the new TV. So fun! I will post pictures of how everything looks once the new chair comes in and we have it here.
Jeral is also finishing off the reno's to the new guest room upstairs. The room looks amazing and i am stoked for the finished product. I will also post before and after pictures once it is complete. With a baby on the way we decided to move Jeral's office out of the room next to our bedroom, so we can put the nursery in the room closest to ours. The reality is that for the first little while we will not need the nursery as the plan is to have the baby sleep in our room in a bassinet/play pen.
So I am an all or nothing kind of personality. Basically I am all in or I am out. If I am going to do something I go big or I go home. Actually back in my camp days whenever anyone would build the campfire instead of me, the comment would be made to them "Go big or go home!" Because I always went big. Well as much as that used to be fun to say, I am realizing that often this mentality holds me back. When I set out to do something it is all or nothing, and yet sometimes the reality is that there are many little steps along the way that I could accomplish, and see as achievements if I was able to get past the all or nothing mentality. Yet I often miss out on the accomplishments in between because I see it as a failure for me personally if I do not reach the ultimate goal right away, the first time. Jesus lovingly and gently pointed this out to me yesterday. I had been wanting to reach the big goal right now right away, and when I did not accomplish that I got ticked with myself. I was unable to see that actually what we had accomplished was pretty amazing, despite it not being my big all or nothing goal. If that makes sense. Anyways this is just my rambling for today. I have a lot of work and practice at being patient as I begin to choose to look at all the small steps that are pretty amazing in their own right! It will take time to change a mentality that has been so ingrained for 30 years. However it is worth it so I do not pass this on to my children!
Jeral is also finishing off the reno's to the new guest room upstairs. The room looks amazing and i am stoked for the finished product. I will also post before and after pictures once it is complete. With a baby on the way we decided to move Jeral's office out of the room next to our bedroom, so we can put the nursery in the room closest to ours. The reality is that for the first little while we will not need the nursery as the plan is to have the baby sleep in our room in a bassinet/play pen.
So I am an all or nothing kind of personality. Basically I am all in or I am out. If I am going to do something I go big or I go home. Actually back in my camp days whenever anyone would build the campfire instead of me, the comment would be made to them "Go big or go home!" Because I always went big. Well as much as that used to be fun to say, I am realizing that often this mentality holds me back. When I set out to do something it is all or nothing, and yet sometimes the reality is that there are many little steps along the way that I could accomplish, and see as achievements if I was able to get past the all or nothing mentality. Yet I often miss out on the accomplishments in between because I see it as a failure for me personally if I do not reach the ultimate goal right away, the first time. Jesus lovingly and gently pointed this out to me yesterday. I had been wanting to reach the big goal right now right away, and when I did not accomplish that I got ticked with myself. I was unable to see that actually what we had accomplished was pretty amazing, despite it not being my big all or nothing goal. If that makes sense. Anyways this is just my rambling for today. I have a lot of work and practice at being patient as I begin to choose to look at all the small steps that are pretty amazing in their own right! It will take time to change a mentality that has been so ingrained for 30 years. However it is worth it so I do not pass this on to my children!
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