Ponderings of a Journey

Ring Update!

2012-02-08T22:30:00.000-08:00

How I found Jaris 30 minutes before supper after a long battle with him and Kenzie to take a nap so I could sleep! I love this boy!
Typical morning grumpiness! Kenzie takes after me in that she is not a morning person!

On any given day this little boy can fall asleep almost anywhere, except for his own bed!

Eating lunch one after noon, I am pretty sure she was trying to give me all her reasons as to why she should be allowed to eat all her meals while sitting on my lap! Way to self advocate!!!!!

Jeral was able to suck out my engagement ring from the plumbing! My creative husband used our shop vacuum to suck all the water and other stuff in the toilet out and miracle of miracles my engagement ring was in all that yuck! So there will be no new ring shopping in our future and that is fine by me. Reality is as I said in the last post my kiddos and Jeral are more important than anything I own or possess.

In other news Kenzie is talking up a storm in 4-6 word sentences! It is so adorable and i know as her mama I understand more than others yet I love hearing her express herself. This afternoon I was on the phone with my sister and Kenzie clearly said "Mommy, I want to talk." So I let her talk, and she even said hi to her cousin Tyson, whom she calls Tysie!

Jaris is talking a little more these days, however we have implemented a new rule in our home. No soothers except for naps and bed time. I really want him to go without the soother so he will talk more! It is hard to believe that in March he is going to be 2 years old. He is already as tall as most 3 year olds, yet my little boy is just turning 2! It looks as though he is over the flu which makes me a happy mama!

All in all I am doing pretty well these days other than being tired. Most days by lunch I am ready for a nap, yet due to my lovely daughter not napping I do not get that luxury, and then by the time bed time come my second wind is in full swing! Oh well! Last night was the first time we got to hear our baby's heart beat here at home. When I was pregnant with Jaris we bought a Doppler just so we could listen to his amazing little heart beat. Then my sister had it and I really did not think I would ever ask for it back because I was expecting again, yet here I am and at 11 weeks and 3 days we got to listen at home to our little ones heart beating and I am falling in love all over again. In the beginning of this pregnancy I was scared to start thinking about this child and his or her future simply because of the two miscarriages we have walked through since having Jaris. Yet now we are in full swing of thinking and dreaming about the future with 3 children, and how our life will hopefully look. Funny thing is Jeral wants this one to be a surprise (oiy, me and surprises!). We will see what happens in April at the ultrasound. I could give a million reasons as to why we should find out, yet in the end the awe and wonder of not knowing and Jeral's desire to be surprised may win out! All that I truly dream and hope for is a healthy child, boy or girl! Anyways I am off to bed and to listen to our little miracles heart beating again! Gotta love modern technology!!!!! By the time my kids are having babes of their own they will probably have there own portable ultrasound machines! Now that would be cool!!!!!!!

Worth More than a Ring

2012-02-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

This little Girl is Worth More than a ring to me. She is priceless!!!

I have always said that my children are more important and valuable to me than any of my earthly possessions. Well I get to live that out now because Kenzie put that to the test today. At night I take my rings off and set them on my night stand because I do not like sleeping with them on. Mid morning today Kenzie got a hold of my engagement ring, the ring set that was my Grandma Astle's, and a costume jewelry ring I had on the night stand and ran for my bathroom and flushed them down the toilet. I bolted to catch her before she flushed yet, I was too late. I plunged my hand into the toilet and was able miraculously to grab my grandma's rings, and the costume jewelry ring, however my engagement ring was gone. I always thought living out my philosophy of my kids being more valuable and more improtant to me would come in the form of them staining our carpets, which has happened and I could care less about, or breaking our TV, or smashing my IPad, or flushing my Iphone. Instead my engagement ring got flushed and that is okay because while there is sentimental value, I can living without my ring. However I would never want to live without MacKenzie, Jaris, or the little one growing in me right now. Jeral and the kids mean everything to me. A ring can be replaced in time if that is what we choose. My husband and children can never be replaced!

The Flu Has Struck Again

2012-02-03T22:48:00.000-08:00

I saw this raven at HomeSense in Kamloops just before Christmas and bought it because of what it says! This is my hope for me and for my children as they grow up. That they will dream big and never be afraid to fail, because no matter what I will always be proud of them when they do the best that they can.
Jaris fell asleep on the kitchen floor tonight. He can sleep almost anywhere (I am slightly envious of him for that).

On Monday of this week I originally thought the week was going to look very different than how the week turned out. On Tuesday morning Jaris got the flu yet again, and he is still as of today Friday feeling sick. My heart aches for my little boy who normally loves to play with his toys and enjoys his space. For the past 4 days all he has wanted to do was be held by me, and I will admit that I am secretly enjoy all the snuggle time with him as Jaris tend to be a daddy's boy most days! Kenzie on the other hand is not so fond of mommy spending most of the day snuggling with Jaris. Well let me correct that she has moments when I know she wants me all to herself and then other moments when she is very happy because she knows she can get away with whatever she wants because I am busy cuddling Jaris. Needless to say my patience at moments is rather thin these days. I was talking with Jeral at supper while holding Kenzie on my lap and I told him while this week has been exhausting it is wearing on me because I am pregnant and hormonal. Honestly I am not sure how I would have handled this week if it were not for God and Jeral coming home from the farm lots to help out with a rather lively Kenzie. I am so blessed to have Jeral be able to be home as much as he has been this past week.

I had a prenatal appointment this week and we were able to hear the baby's heart beat in the office so that means the weekly ultrasounds are stopping and while I am sad to not see my little one every week, I am very happy that everything is looking good so far. I am not feeling that sick anymore which is nice. Some days I forget that I am pregnant because I do not feel that sick, and then the tears start streaming and I know yep I am hormonal and overly emotional, thus I am pregnant. I will admit I was not prepared for the emotional on slaught this pregnancy would bring with it, and yet I trust that God is going to use this heightened emotional space I am in to bring greater healing into my life and for that I am thankful.

Krahn Baby #3

2012-01-27T22:02:00.000-08:00

Baby Krahn #3. I will admit I am enjoying seeing our little future baby Krahn every week! I know he or she is still very tiny and some of you may not even know what you are looking at, however I know and I am getting more excited for this little one with each passing week.

I was at a friends for a kiddlet play date this week and we were talking about how when we are excited and happy about the blessings in our lives we just want to talk about those things all the time. Yet we also find it hard because we know we have friends who are grieving and we want to be sensitive to their pain. I remember, I was once there. I remember a time that a dear friend was not sure how to tell me that another friend of ours was pregnant so she blurted it out in front of a member of her husbands youth group. All I wanted to do in that moment was cry yet there was no way I was going to do that in front of this teenager. Now let me preface, my tears were about my pain and how the journey we were on at the time was felt never ending. I was happy for my friend, I just was hurting because I wanted children so badly. I was so emotionally raw at that point that I emailed my then therapist because I did not know what else to do. She reminded me to fall into the arms of my Heavenly Father and let him hold me in my pain. Oh how I miss her wisdom many days! :)

All of that to say that I want to share my excitement about this little one growing inside of me, and whole I am very excited for us I also will continue to hold in prayer my friends who are hurting due to a long fertility journey that so far the outcome has not been what was desired! I think that is where I will end for tonight as I hear Kenzie is out of bed yet again.

2012-01-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

After being up from 3 am to 5:30 am this is how I found him this morning. Hard to believe he was freaking out for over and hour. He is so adorable and melts my heart!
This is how I found Jeral and Kenzie this morning. Jaris woke Kenzie up at 5 am and she went down stairs to play with Jaris and daddy ( I was happy about that), and Jeral said by 5:30 am this is how they all were sleeping soundly on the couches!

Being a goof ball!

We are having one of those weeks where parenting is a struggle. More or less night time is a huge struggle. We had three weeks before Christmas where both of them where sleeping through the night in their own rooms, and well since then nights have been challenging. With another baby on the way we are trying to get Kenzie used to the idea that daddy will be snuggling with her at night sometimes. Kenzie is a mama's girl all the way. The last few nights though she has settled with Jeral in the middle of the night. The first night we tried daddy cuddles instead of mommy cuddles she cried for me for and hour. Now we are down to 5 minutes and then she is sleeping peacefully with her daddy! However Jaris has started waking up in the middle of the night and well he is giving me a run for my money. I am so ready for my kids to sleep through the night. There was something in the beginning about having that special night time snuggle and cuddle. While I do enjoy snuggles and cuddles I am so ready to have our bed back to just Jeral and I for the most part, and am so ready to only wake up to go the washroom in the middle of the night. I guess we are just in the thick of things right now. I keep reminding myself that this is not forever. There will come a day that they sleep by themselves through the night.

This and That

2012-01-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

MacKenzie Multitasking! She will often grab both my phone and IPad claiming they are hers and then I find her relaxing watching two different cartoons

Where do I begin. Life with two toddlers is full. Some days I think we are on our way to potty training Kenzie and then other days the accidents are flowing :) Kenzie vocabulary is growing leaps and bounds, as well as her attitude! Imagine me with a daughter who has attitude! Really she is a very good self advocate. At she sleeps in her room in a nice queen sized bed. However her bed of choice is still next to me.

Jaris is such a little cutie. When we were on our way home for our short trip we stopped for lunch and an elderly woman asked us if her was 4 or 5 years old. I laughed and then replied that he was not ever 2 yet. He is just a tall boy. And really if you look at his face he does not look 4. I think this is something we will be dealing with for many years to come. While I remember liking that people thought I was older than i was a a kid, I also remember that the expectations were much higher because I looked older. I really do not want those expectations put on my son. JAris definitely is his own space kind of guy. He does not like anyone getting in his space if he has claimed that area as his. And watch out when you do get in his space because he goes for the big old head butt and he has a big head!!!!!! Luckily I am still mommy and for the most part he likes mommy cuddles and lets me in his space. His older, yet smaller sister is another story!

Jeral is an amazing daddy! I love watching him with our kids. As for the farm, well yesterday we had a main water line for the barns burst. Gotta love this weather!!!!!! We are getting a new shipment of birds on Tuesday so he is getting the barns ready and with that we also have switched feed companies. We will see what all happens.

Me - well I got to have another ultrasound this past Thursday, and I will be getting them weekly for the next little while. Other than the flu that I had last week I have not been as sick with this little one as I was with Jaris. However I am way more emotional. There is a certain person in my life who is loving the crying at the drop of a hat Leanne - she is such a pain in the ass, yet I pay her to be that way. And with that I think I will go read for a bit while the kids are napping!

Short Lived Trip

2012-01-19T11:14:00.000-08:00

Well we are on holidays however we are back at home. We left for Pateros, Washington on Monday and came home yesterday. The original trip was to include 3 nights in the States and then head up to Abbotsford for a few days and visit friends.

Monday was my 33rd Birthday day, so what better day to leave than that! I had an appointment in Kelowna at 11 am so we got everyone packed up to go because we were heading south of the Border right after. The kids traveled farely well, especially considering they were stuck in car seats for a long time. We got there and I will admit the Hotel was rather nice for a hotel in a little hick town in the middle of no where! Once we settled in we went out for dinner. I was actually feeling well enough to eat a bit which was nice. Night time with Kenzie was challenging however that is nothing new. The next day was when we decided to head home early. I have never thrown up so much. Yes I know I am almost 9 weeks pregnant and still in that window of morning sickness and not feeling well, however this was more. It was non-stop for over 8 hours. I cried I was so sick and it was then Jeral and I decided it was better for me to be sick at home than it was for me to be sick in a hotel room. Plus the weather added to Jeral's desire to just get home. Thus we ended up completely cutting out our trip to Abbotsford to visit friends! While I am sad about that. I am happy to be at home. There really is nothing like home sweet home. And Kenzie slept through the night by herself in her own room last night. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! I honestly have not felt this rested in a while. I think traveling will be out for a while. At least until this morning sickness thing is done with.

I still and in awe that there is a little baby growing inside of me. There are days when I wonder if I really am pregnant and then the afternoon comes and I know I am. At some point today I will get to see out little baby bug again. I am waiting for my OBGYN to call me to meet him at the hospital for a scan. When he said he would meet me weekly I did not think he really meant he would! Yet he is keeping his word and I am stoked I get to see him or her again!

Ultrasound

2012-01-11T19:27:00.000-08:00

Well some of you may be wondering how my ultrasound went. It went as good as it could go. There is one little bean in there and he or she had a strong heart beat. Thank you Jesus for that. There are honestly no words to describe how I felt when the tech turned the screen so I could see and she pointed out the little tiny heart beating. So according to yesterday I am 7 weeks and 5 days today. Still a long way to go, yet so looking forward to the journey. We know that we are still in that precarious window of the first trimester and this little one could still end up being held by God before us. However I am further along than I was with our two other miracles who are being held by God, and that gives me a lot of peace. So there you have it Lord will August 25th there will be another Krahn baby!

2012-01-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

Playing in the tunnels!
I love this smile for the camera pose. Last week Friday one of my dearest friends came for a visit and it was so nice to have her here! This is her little girl. I am thankful that we still get to see each other many time through out the year and this way I get to know her little girl. I know i will not know her the same way I got to know Josiah her older brother who is with Jesus, yet I still feel blessed that I get to be a part of her life.

My silly little girl! I love her so very much!

Playing the key board! I got this key board last year for Kenzie and forgot that I had it. Well it has been a hit and I am regretting only buying 1 since we have two little toddlers who want to play with it!

On the slide. Okay so I normally do not witness Jaris being overly possessive about is toys, yet wow, he was acting like his older sister when it came to the slide. I literally had to gently bring him down the slide so he would move so Joelle could have a turn. Ah the trials and tribulations of toddlers! Still love them dearly though!!!!!

Classic Jaris picture with a soother in his mouth! He is such and adorable little boy!

So what is new in our house hold? Kenzie is saying all sorts of words. "Truck, car, and stuck," are the new favorites. She has been expressing a fashion sense that is all her own, and I am doing my best to let her be as expressive as she desires to be, however I still want to have a say in Sundays Church outfits. Kenzie has been leaving us lovely works of art all over the house! So far we have been able to clean up the walls and furniture that she has taken markers and crayons too!

Jaris - is getting very tall! He is taking after his daddy there!!! The poor little gaffer got a burn on his hand when we were visiting some friends who have a wood stove. His hand just grazed the hot metal yet it was enough for him to end up getting a burn across his knuckles. I love polysporin at times like this. Honestly you would never know he has a burn though, since he never complains about it. Jaris definitely knows what he wants these days and lets us know about it. He is also the sensitive one who if talked to in a firm voice will break down crying! Where as his sister will look at you and laugh and then run and try to kiss you as if to say "there, there mommy biting my brother is really not all that bad!"

I saw my OBGYN today and my hormone levels were looking really good. I am getting them checked again tomorrow, and ultimately the ultrasound on Tuesday will let us know if this pregnancy is a viable one. I am feeling better just knowing my hormone levels are good so far. Like we have said we know this little one is in God's hands ultimately, and not ours. No matter how the ultrasound goes this is it for us and we are at peace about this. I know being at peace does not meant that we will not grieve if the results come back telling us out little one is with Jesus. Trust me the grief will be there and expressed in safe places! Our hearts desire is that we get to hold this little one in our arms late summer, and that we get the blessing of parenting him or her for the rest of our lives. Only God knows if this is going to happen for now, and here is hoping we get to know if that is going to be in a a few days! Thanks for praying we appreciate it.!

Five Years

2011-12-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

Wow, five years already. I know that 5 years is a drop in the bucket compared to eternity yet, wow! Last night as we were having appies after watching a movie (something we rarely do these days) we talked about how fast the past 5 years have gone, and how great they have been despite some of the obstacles we have had to work through and face together.

I can honestly say that I love Jeral more and more as time goes on. Maybe it is that our love is maturing as we age and spend more time together, and also intentionally choose to spend time apart doing the things we love. I do not know. What I do know is I feel incredibly blessed to fall asleep in his arms at night and wake up next to him in the morning and then do it all over again.

These past five years have been an adventure and I look forward to the many adventures we have a head of us in the years to come!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-28T21:58:00.000-08:00

Jaris First thing Christmas Morning!
Kenzie say already mom I so do not want the camera in my face!

Opening the first of the gifts!Daddy lending a helping hand

Yeah a building block table!

Seriously the cheapest toy got the most attention for the first little while

Daddy reading the instructions as how to put the toy together. Daddy is way better than mommy at this as I would just start putting it together with out even looking at the instructions.

All the above pictures were on Christmas day at our home

Christmas #2 at Uncle Mark and Auntie Jodi's

Kenzie with her fabulous Auntie Jodi

My Amazing Husband of almost 5 years!

Strike a pose for Grandma and Grandpa K.

On the computers yet again. What would we do with out social media?

Awww look at you two so adorable!

Opening Gifts!

I love all the random posing!

Brother and sister! This is what Kenzie and Jaris have to look forward to in the future!!!

More posing with Christmas gifts!

Jaydn's turn to opened her stuff

One of Sarah's beautiful gifts

Josh the scarf model

Josh's turn!

Kenzie rubbing her face with the wrapping of sorts! She seriously was rubbing her face and liking the texture!

Josh allowing Kenzie to rub his face!

Christmas #3 with my family! Kenzie opening her Birthday/ Christmas Gift from Uncle Chris and Auntie Jocelyn

Jaris just wanting to play with the balloon from his sister's birthday still!

My adorable niece Maddy opening her Christmas gift!

Tyson and Kenzie looking a little over whelmed with all the gifts!

Jaris playing with toys on his new table made from Uncle Chris!

Kenzie chilling while everyone is hanging out!

Jaris hanging out in his tent from mommy and daddy

Tyson chilling in Kenzie's tent!

So we have had all of our Christmas gatherings. We had a lot of fun hanging out with family over the holidays! And we were blessed to get to have them all here. I think the pictures say it all.

There is one picture I do not have and wish I would have taken. This year we got to bless my mom with a gift that she needed, and i love that we could do it. I think this will always go down as a Christmas when I got to give much to those who needed it and I love getting to do that!

My greatest Christmas gift was that of getting to celebrate the holidays being pregnant. Today I say my doctor and there is some concern about my hormone levels so we are doing blood work and I have to wait for an ultrasound until Jan 10th. I know this baby is in God's care and God will decide whether or not we get to hold him or her in our arms in August. The hormone thing could be nothing right now just a difference in the time of day thing, or it could mean Jesus is bring this miracle to be with him. The truth is I really hope we get to hold this little miracle in August. With that being said Jeral and I decided that this is it, if we loose this miracle. My heart and body do not want to keep going through this. Either we will have three children (praying for that outcome) or we will grieve the loss of another miracle and then enjoy the bountiful blessing of the two miracle we have been given.

My Christmas Gift

2011-12-25T18:21:00.001-08:00

I think that the picture says it all!!!!! This was my Christmas gift from God this year. I am only 5 weeks or so along however we decided that since we have miscarried 2 times in the past 18 months or so that we were going to celebrate this pregnancy and let others celebrate with us too. Plus the more people praying for us and this little miracle baby the better. However long we get to love this little miracle for and dream about his or her future is a gift to us, and we hope that come August 29th or so we get to hold him or her in our arms.

When we lost baby Annabelle, back in July it crushed us, and I wanted to go right to the fertility clinic and try a few IUI's. However as we prayed about it and I actually was quiet enough to listen to God I knew God was asking me to give him until Christmas. Not what I wanted, yet okay. On Friday December 23rd Jeral and I were talking in the morning about our wonderful miracle family and he told me he was really happy just the 4 of us. I started crying, not because I am not happy just the 4 of us. I cried because I still have moments of grief that pop up here and there from miscarrying. Fast forward to the evening as I was driving home from Vernon. I told God I just wanted a clear answer about having more kids. I was tired of being told we have a choice. I know we have a choice. I just want a yes more kids, or no more kids. When I got home I decided to take a pregnancy test. Fully expecting it to be negative. Imagine my surprise as I watched it before my very eyes turn positive. I ran down stairs to show Jeral. Well the next day I just wanted to see the word and not a symbol so I asked Jeral to stop and pick up a digital pregnancy test. To see the word PREGNANT wow. I guess I got my answer!

This all feels very surreal right now. We are choosing to celebrate and enjoy this knowing our baby is God's and God can bring him or her home before we ever get to hold him or her. Our hope and prayer is to get to hold him or her at the end of August. So when you think of us we would love and appreciate it if you would pray for our family and the baby I now carry.

I have pictures of the kids from today, however we still have a few more days of celebrating with Jeral's family and my family so I will wait until after that is all done! Blessings and Love to all!!!!!

Two Years Ago

2011-12-23T08:55:00.001-08:00

Two years ago today the most amazing little miracle was placed in our arms!

This time of year is filled with great joy for our family. Not only is it the Christmas season when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Our family celebrates the birth and coming home of our daughter. Along with this great joy my heart also aches for Kenzie's birth mom. It is a reminder to me that some times the greatest joys are brought about by the greatest sorrows. In many ways this is what God did for us when he sent Jesus to be with us. My life will never be the same because of God giving us Jesus and because a woman carried a little miracle baby and then placed her in our arms. We have a lot to be celebrate!

Happy 2nd Birthday Kenzie

2011-12-21T22:30:00.000-08:00

My attempt at a Birthday Cake! I am not my mom, yet I am happy I did not through this away and that we used this to celebrate my miracle daughters birthday! I have many more years of practicing making cakes!
Blowing out the candles on the cake, and Kenzie was not sure what to do and a little over whelmed. So cute though!!!!

Attempting to get a picture before she grabbed at the candles I think.

Just chilling on the counter with the family!

Opening up Birthday Presents in the morning. She definitely got the ripping the paper thing down this year! These go with the birthday present from Grandma J. and her soon to come birthday/Christmas present from Auntie Jocelyn

I love the smile under the soother!

Playing with toys in the morning! I knew that certain toys would be fought over so Jaris also got some toys to open up today.

Kenzie loves playing with her babies so we got her some toys that will aid her baby play!

Jaris was whipping around the house today pushing this. Good thing there were two different ones so they each had one to push!

Putting the baby in the High Chair

Kenzie decided it would be fun to climb into the dolly play pen.

It is hard to believe that 2 years ago today one of our two miracles was born. We had no idea she had graced the world with her presence yet. I still vividly remember the phone call we got on December 22nd from the social worker asking me if i liked pink? I was trying so hard to to jump up and down and run around screaming for joy (being 6 months pregnant hindered those two things). I went out to the shop to tell Jeral and we went shopping for little girl clothes. I felt like I was walking in a dream. On December 23rd we got to bring out little girl home. I remember holding our little girl for the first time and i remember the joy on Jeral's face and what a proud papa he was and is.

The past two years with MacKenzie have been filled with so much joy (her middle name). She has a smile that captivates everyone. Her smile is as huge as her personality, which is pretty big. She is a creative go getter. She knows what she wants and will often enter into a battle of the wills with her mommy (that is me). I still get my desired outcome most of the time, yet I know that will change one day. I have laughed my head off as I watch her play and act like a goof ball. I have tried not to laugh when she comes and gives me a hug and big wet slobbery kiss in an attempt to get her way. I have also had my moments when I have wanted to rip my hair out because she has bit me or Jaris yet again (those times are getting fewer and far between though. However I did get bit really good today when I tried to see if she was teething her two year old molars. That will teach me for putting my finger into the mouth of a teething 2 year old). I have also been tired with some of the long nights, however I would not trade on of those nights of snuggles and cuddles because I know those night will get fewer as you grow up my little girl. My heart has broke as Kenzie has cried because I am leaving to go to an appointment and she wants to come with me. These two years have been amazing, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY Kenzie.

Daddy and I look forward to many more years of celebrating many more of your birthdays. We pray that God guides us as we parent you and the He watches over you and protects. You are a miracle my little girl and I love you just because you are you!

Playing in The Snow

2011-12-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

Playing in the snow. They do have snow suits yet it was not really cold outside so I let them play in sweaters and vests. Kenzie in typical fashion took her mitts off!

Helping mommy with the snow man!

Giving mommy the stare!

Mommy it is wet, how can you sit in this stuff?

Hmm, what is this and why is it on my thumb?

Today the kids and I went outside to play in the snow for a bit and we made our first snow man of the season. I have not made a snow many in years and I sort of forgot how much work they are or maybe just how much work they are for an almost 33 year old!!!!! Still I had fun playing with my kids outside!

Life around here lately. Well nap time has been instituted. The grumpies can to play so nap time at about 3 pm is back. As much as I was hoping for an early night with out the naps, Kenzie still did not want to go to bed until 9 or 10 pm, so I will take the 2 hour nap in the afternoon. Both kids are growing up so fast. I can hardly believe that in 6 days I will have a 2 year old little girl. We taught her how to say that she is 2 years old. When we ask her how old she is, Kenzie will say, "Me TWOOO" So darn cute! We are working on getting Jaris to say that he is ONE. Still a work in progress.

We are still waiting for our new Love Seat and Ottoman. Once everything is here I will take pictures and post them. I love my new couches just frustrated with the Brick and the service so far. Normally we have loved the customer service at the Brick, alas this time round not so much. We have also bought a few more pieces for the house from Homsense.

We moved other furniture to our other living room and I love having furniture in there. For the past almost 5 years that room was empty. I think I am going to enjoy having two living rooms fully furnished! I could spend way more money there than I have, and trust me I am tempted too. Our next project will be to redo our master bath. It will be our special project together.

Well there you all have it life around here lately! I am looking forward to Christmas, Kenzie's birthday, and our 5th Anniversary all in the next 2 weeks and a bit. If I do not post until after Christmas then Merry Christmas to everyone!

Getting Excited

2011-11-30T21:38:00.000-08:00

No Pictures today. I have not taken any photos in the past few days! I know that I will have plenty of opportunity in the days a head to be taking photos. Only a few more days and we have our Extended Pauls Family Christmas. All of my mom's brothers, sisters and their families come. If everyone is here we are 48 with two more on the way. This year we are going to be 45 maybe 46. We will only be missing my aunt who we miss every year. I cannot imagine how hard it is for her to not get to come year after year due to her chemical sensitivities. Yet she always blesses us by sending food along. The other two we may miss are my cousins boyfriend (all depends on work), and his son. We are having a very full house, and we are excited to have everyone here!

When Grandma Pauls passed away, we decided that our once a year family gather around Christmas time was something we wanted to continue with. It is nice that for the most part we live all with in two hours of each other (with the exception of Brendan and Krista), yet with all of our busy lives Christmas tends to be the one time a year we get to see most of our family members. I like the idea that our kids will grow up knowing their second cousins. I got to know a few of mine during my years at Bible College and I would not trade that for anything. While grandma may not be with us in body she is definitely with us in spirit. We will have way too much food (a Mennonite thing), yet that is also a good thing just in case some extras show up. With Grandma everyone was welcome no matter who. We are going to have fun. We are going to laugh, maybe cry a bit. We are going to have some great talks and just be together as a family. I love it. Now all I am hoping is that the new couch, love seat, chair, and ottoman arrive on time! Delivery is set for Friday, yet we are not sure about the love seat! Oh well we have lots of places to sit and chat, I just want the new stuff though!!!!! :)

So this year with our own kids we have decided to cut back on what they are getting for Christmas. They are still getting gifts and we got some great things on airmiles for them, and we are choosing World Vision gifts. I am so excited about this. Every week for a total of 7 weeks are picking one or two World Vision Gifts from their catalogue. Our kids have everything they need and a lot of things that they want, so instead of adding a ton to the pile of toys we are adding some while giving to others what they need. We are also being intentional and trying not to buy toys that will end up in the garbage in a year or less. Our hope is that our kiddos will grow up knowing that blessing others is just a part of life, and something we enjoy doing. I look forward to the day that Kenzie and Jaris will sit next to me and look through the catalogue on line and pick gifts to give to others too! Yet maybe that can be a few years away, because I am having too much fun picking out gifts to bless others.

2011-11-16T23:22:00.000-08:00

The Two men in my life! I am such a loved woman with these guys around, and my daughter too!

I started this post last week and am now finally finishing it. Oh well I blog when I can and that is that. We are in full swing with Christmas decorating around here. I have 6 Christmas trees up in the house, and to think I actually had the gall to tell my mom I was not going to decorate as much this year. Hmm i think the next time I say that to anyone they can feel free to call me a liar. I love making my house all pretty! Wow did I just write those words? Yep sure did. I enjoy the artistic side of decorating and the sense of accomplishment and from seeing the beauty I create. Plus I want everything up for our big extended family Christmas on my side. Looks like 44 maybe 45 people this year, and a whole lot of fun.

A few weeks back I made a comment on facebook about my kids and a friend said she wished her outlook on having multiple toddlers was as positive. The comment got me thinking, and I responded to her saying that she only sees the positive outlook because that is all I will write on facebook. The reality is I am like every mom I know. I have my good moments, and I have my rough moments. I get overwhelmed, I get cranky, and I want to rip my hair out. I have moments when I am less than the kind of mom I desire to be. I remember the day that I had to finally surrender to the reality that being a mom, let a lone being a mom to 2 miracles just over three months a part was not looking how I had envisioned it nor would it really ever be that way. I had envisioned that my kids would never cry, not because it is bad to cry, it would be because I would always be there to hold and comfort them. I would be attuned to their every need and meet it before they even knew they had a need. Yeah slightly over idealistic huh?!?! I also realized there is a reason the baby carrier companies do not make double baby carriers. My back could not handle two all day every day. I came to a place of saying it is okay to want my kids to some nights sleep in their own bed. At the end of the day I am in need of my space and sometimes the only me time I get is in bed when I am sleeping. Wanting that does not make me a bad mom, it makes me human. The reality is I am human and will have my not so terrific mommy days, yet those days will be good enough. There is my thought for today! I have a book I want to go read!

2011-11-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

The kids and I went out to play for a bit today while it was chilly they love the great out doors! And I love them!!!

Playing in the leaves! I was hoping to get some great shots of them in the leaves and I got a few. They just were not sure about the whole jumping in the piles.

Future wedding material this one is!

Helping mommy rack I tried racking up some of the back yard and Kenzie got upset so I gave her the rack. Hmm is this considered child labour? All she got paid was a hug, kiss, and a snuggle!

Jeremiah 29:11 - God promises the people of Judah that He knows the plans He has for them. Plans to give them hope and a future. While I know that promise we read is meant for the people of Judah I know that God also knows His plans for me and our family. Yet there are days it is tough to trust and rest in that. Yet here I find myself resting and trusting for today, and today is all I am sure of as yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not assured. I have this moment now.

I was recently told that letting go of our dreams is not abandoning them. Let go is giving them to God and allowing His hope and His dreams for me to be received. It is not a secret that we have faced heartache many times as we dreamed of growing our family, and we have also been blessed with two amazing miracles. This summer brought us great surprise and wonder as we thought our dream of three children was going to be realized and then our grief plummeted to new depths as we had to let go of our little one and entrust her to Jesus long before we ever got to hold her. With each new pregnancy announcement my heart was both happy for my friends and filled with grief as I was once again reminded that I now have two babes with God. Jeral asked me after one announcement if I was jealous and I was able to honestly say no I am just missing my babes. In the days following I came to a place of laying down my desired outcomes for me one desired outcome and hope was that some how everything was wrong and that I would one day soon find out I was still pregnant. Letting go means letting go the idea that I can some how hold on and change the past so I get my desired outcome. Letting go also to me means I relinquish the desired future outcomes I may have. If I am holding on to what I desire I will never be able to grasp a hold of what my Heaven Papa has for me.

I have no idea how the future of our family looks like. All I know is there is a future and that is amazing! So for today I have let go, and who knows what tomorrow holds!

Kenzie's new favorite place to play

My miracles! Never in a million years could I have orchestrated what God did and despite the hurt look how things have turned out so far! I love you two more than I can ever put into words.

It's Beginning to Look Like Christmas!

2011-11-12T12:55:00.000-08:00

Just the beginning of Christmas decorations! Love this time of year. Now take down is not nearly as much fun.

Foyer! Notice the new piece in the main foyer! I snagged it at HomeSense! Love that place and have spent way to much money there as of late!

Top of the China cabinet with a few of my Willow Tree figurines! Now I fully know that this does not look as great as it does first hand as if you were here sitting in my living room with me sipping on a cup of tea while chatting away, so you will have to trust me when I say all the Christmas Decor looks way better in person! So if you are in the neighbour hood my friends feel free to pop on by and check it out for yourself!

So adorable! I Love you MacKenzie Joy!

Look at that face! Seriously who could say no to that face?

Life is full with two little ones. I have been getting our home ready for the holidays lately. Little bit by little bit. I have figured out that this is the best way to get all the decorations up with two toddlers wanting to be with me right in the action. Now if only I could take a month or two to take all the decorations down!

Everyday I feel as though my babes are getting that much older. New words are coming out of their mouths and they are understand more and more of what we are saying. They are accomplishing tasks that make me smile. Soon they will no longer want mommy's help with puzzles! They are growing up so quickly.

I am still amazed any time someone who has heard our story of how God has grown our family, will ask me which one of my children is mine. I calmly reply both of my miracles are mine. Then follows a, "You know what I mean, which one is biological?" Really, do I really know what you mean. This past weekend when a man said that I told him I forget, and biology does not matter I carried both my children in my heart and that is what matter. The reality is that no one looking in from the outside would know which of my children is adopted and which of my children is biologically ours. Both my miracles were birthed and carried in my heart long before the story of how they came to be in our family was created. Please do not get me wrong we are in no way ashamed to say that Kenzie is our miracle through the gift and blessing of adoption. I am just tired of people thinking that just because I carried one in my body physically for 38 weeks and 4 days that he is some how more mine son that Kenzie is my daughter. I know that this will be a comment/question we will face many times in the years to come. I also know there will come a day when Kenzie and Jaris understand the question that is asked while they are around, and I do pray that God will protect and shield their hearts and that my actions will speak louder than any words ever spoken by others.

2011-11-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

My handsome son. I love that this one is slightly out of focus with only his fingers really in focus! He has beautiful hands my boy!
Going down the slide at the park together!

Look at the static! Jaris had no fear on any of the slides at the park! It was so fun watching him play and a little nerve racking when he was near an opening that he could fall through and get hurt!

This man is an amazing father and husband! I am so blessed that he is my husband and best friend and that he is the father to our children!

My favorite picture of Grandpa Krahn! The kids had a blast playing with Grandma and Grandpa at the park!

My two miracles! I love you Kenzie and Jaris and always will, you make everyday a brighter and better day just by being my kids!

Me and my miracles!

Static hair for both of us beauties!!!! See we managed to get a few pictures of me this trip and Jeral did a great job capturing the beauty and fun of both his daughter and wife! Love you hun!!!

Love this boy more than words could ever say. I am a lucky and blessed mommy!

Yet another great picture of my son! Sure is a photogenic boy

MacKenzie has the best smile in the whole world! Yes I know I am her mom and that I am biased, however it is true - her smile is so big. It is almost larger than life sort of like her personality! We are so thankful and honored everyday that her birth mother chose us to be Kenzies family!

What are you pointing at my son?

We had a great last visit with Grandma and Grandpa Krahn before they head south for the winter! Kenzie and Jaris are getting to the age where we know they remember places and people and it is so fun watching the expressions on their faces as they put two and two together! They were not happy a out having to be in their car seats for so long and yet when we drove up to Grandma and Grandpa's it is like they knew where we were and they got very excited!

Everyday with Kenzie and Jaris is full of excitement and adventure. They are so curious about everything. They love washing dishes with me. They are both strong enough to push the chairs where ever they want in the house and use them to climb up on things! Oiy, I feel as thought I can never turn my back on them for a moment!

I had a root canal done this morning! Oiy! One of the not fun parts of having a high pain tolerance is that I also have a high tolerance to pain medications, and my mouth does not freeze well. Yet I am thankful that is is done and hoping in the next few days the pain goes away! Until then a little whiskey or bailey's in hot chocolate will help sooth the pain!!!! :) Well I have a very upset 22 month old who does not want to go to bed so I will go snuggle! Enjoy the pictures of some very adorable kids!

2011-10-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure those are his "NO" lips. Yet they sure are cute lips my son!

My beautiful little girl playing outside one chilly afternoon!
Love the little wings my son!

Making faces at mommy!

I wanna hold your hand!

Sticky hair head!

Sound asleep! Lately Jaris grabs a blanket and a stuffie and is out like a light on the floor!

All in all I am a very blessed mother and wife. I have two beautiful children and one loving husband. Life is pretty good!

2011-10-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

Our new purchase that I am very excited about! I am rather picky and was having trouble finding exactly what I wanted yet I almost gave up and bought something that was so/so on Saturday last week, however as I was in the store the saying "Good things come to those who wait." Kept coming to mind. Thank you Jesus for that because today when I took Jeral to the store to look at the so/so piece this was there and it is exactly what I wanted. There was a group of women looking at it and I told Jeral lets find someone quick because I want it and did not want someone else to get my perfect piece for the dinning room/kitchen.
Kenzie while not sleeping tonight decided to climb into the cabinet I was cleaning out. She tried to close herself in and then when she realized she couldn't got upset and then tried to jump out yet ended up taking a nose drive. Poor baby girl! I love her fashion statement. I am sure we all wore our underwear over our pants at some time or other!

We had a visitor today in the form of Riley. Our kids favorite neighbour dog, and I wish I was standing else where when Kenzie kissed him!

My little man who is running a fever is normally happy to jump all over Riley, however today he was not! I think now that our dog is gone Riley may be making more trips over here!

Thanks Giving at our house Jaris was so tired he crashed on the couch! He is so adorable!

Playing all shy the day we were celebrating Thanksgiving with some of Jeral's family. It was so fun to see Kenzie and Jaris running all over the place and loving all the family here. I think my favorite memory was when Grandma and Grandpa Krahn got here and Kenzie was upset when Grandpa when back out to the car to get something. She thought he was leaving that would not do! She sure is adorable!

I love this face and the little girl it belongs too!

Life with two toddlers is busy! Especially when they get sick and just want mommy snuggles. Or on nights like tonight when they just do not want to go to bed! Oh well, they are so cute thus spending time with them is easy and fun.

Photo Wall

2011-09-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

So I finally got my photos in frames and up on our wall. Before we had a clock hanging on the wall that was a Christmas present for Jeral a few years ago. However it was just so plain, so I decided to add photos of my beloved family, with of course some Willow Tree figurines. Actually if I am honest this whole idea came out of my wanting to cover up the ugly intercom that was sticking out like a sore thumb on the wall. We still need to add a fake back to the one box to cover the intercom and then I will be happy with the finished product!

Well life on the farm is always full of surprises and well we have had three mice come and go (R.I.P) in the past week! I am not a fan of rodents in my house. We have fish for pets, not ever going to have a mouse as a permanent pet.

Jaris had his 18 months shots this week! He was such a little trooper! I am so happy that we are done now for a while.

We are going to try to potty train Kenzie. We will see - .... We are not going to force it, if she wants to she wants too, if she does not want too then she does not want too! We did buy the potty today though and so cute Strawberry short cake underwear.

Well that is all for now!

Not Little Babes Anymore

2011-09-25T22:51:00.000-07:00

Typically true of Jaris, he always seems to have something in his mouth! He will officially be 18 months on Tuesday and that means he is officially not an infant anymore. He enters the world of toddlers. Okay he size wise has been in the world of toddlers for a while now. Time is going so fast, and while it attempt to take it all in I know I am missing so much. I just wish time would slow down a little bit. I love the awe and wonder both of my miracles have! I hope we can encourage them to never loose their sense of curiosity! It is amazing!
I took this picture the day Jeral left on his motor cycle trip. I almost cried when I saw how grown up Kenzie looks here. She looks like a little girl and not so much my baby anymore. She is so beautiful! While she is growing up I also was reminded this weekend that she still does need me. Keznie was sick and well she definitely made it known she needed me to hold her through the night last night. So I more than willing gave up sleep to hold my precious little girl because the is what she needed! Oh Baby Girl, please do not grow up to fast! Stay my little girl a while longer!

Jeral made it home safe and sound and I got my mom back to Kamloops safe and sound. I loved watching the kids hear Jeral's voice in the house and realize daddy was home and they dropped everything and went running. Jeral was definitely missed while he was gone. Next year honey how about we build a track in our back 20 and you guys can all just do laps and then come home at night! Just kidding, or am I????? :)

Well I think I am going to bed. I am one tired mommy!

Little Climbers

2011-09-11T21:47:00.000-07:00

Kenzie is our climber! Wow is she ever good at it. A few mornings ago the kid decided to wake up really early, as in 4:45 am and well there was no way Jeral and I were getting up, so we closed the door to our bedroom, put a movie on for the kids and and let them have free reign of our room as we tried to be only slightly aware that they were running around. And oh I got them a snack and drink each too. Well our en suite has no door, so the kids also got friend reign of the bathroom too, and when this got quiet I bolted up and put my glasses on to find this. Kenzie had climbed on the toilet and was in my medicine cabinet. More baby proofing here we come.

Actually yesterday she climbed up on my down stairs desk and started pulling the pins out of the pictures and handing them to Jaris (the pins) and he thought it was fun to put them in his mouth. Luckily we were right there and stopped that right away and when Jeral took the kids out that night I took every pin I could find in the house and got rid of it. Better safe than sorry!
And here we have two little climbers. I was bring in the groceries and they disappeared on me. I found them sitting in the front seat eating the treats! I love this picture because it so shows their personalities. Kenzie the life of the party, and Jaris the laid back go with the flow. I have a feeling that later in life when they are about to get in trouble for doing something he may say, "Mommy I was just following Kenzie and going with the flow!" And to that I will try not to laugh and then remind him he is still in trouble.

Seriously they are so cute!!!!

Kenzie and Jaris are both talking up a storm. It is so fun listen to them talk in their own little language, and I am enjoying understanding more words. The goal for Jaris was to have 10 words by 18 months of age and well tonight I actually counted how many words he has and we are at 15 for sure and then about 5 more or so that are iffy. I love realizing that the goals that were set for my son he has more than met every time. I love how is older sister helps to motivated him. I think after this last Physio appointment a few weeks from now we will fully be released from all the programs Jaris has been a part of, and I am so thankful for this. A year ago we were still so unsure about what Jaris would be able to do, and a year later watching him run around, playing, talking, and just being a little boy is so amazing! I am a proud mama. Proud of both my beautiful, kiddos!

We ship our birds tonight and then on Wednesday we leave for a fun little get away. Where are we going? Where else would we go for just a few days. To the lower mainland to hang out with some friends and then one of the funnest Aunties and some of the bestest cousins and a pretty great uncle too! I know that trip like this mess up the routine, however we are still trying to get the routine back in order since our last trip in June! Anyways I really want to get to bed early tonight so I will sign off! Blessing to all!!!!

On The Charts

2011-09-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

Beautiful girl with hair in her eyes! Bangs or no bangs. I am trying desperately to grow her hair out yet I want to see her lovely eyes and that is hard these days with her hair always in her face. She has one beautiful smile and her eyes are amazing. And when she smiles and her eyes light up, wow it is so amazing! Alas though the hair gets in the way!
The tree we planted as a reminder that our baby is in Heaven with God! Originally I was willing to pay $300 - $500 for a bigger tree, yet as I prayed about it I realized I wanted a little tree. A smaller tree which I could nurture, care for and watch grow in the years to come, since I will not get to nurture, care for, and watch our little miracle grow who is with Jesus. The tree is an Oriental Red Maple. Actually we call it the Annabelle tree - that would have been her name if we would have had a girl. So Kenzie, Jaris and I try to visit the Annabelle tree once a day to water it and I tell Jesus to tell her I love her, and cannot wait for the day I get to hold her in my arms and never have to leave her! Alas that day is not now, while she has Jesus to hold her Kenzie and Jaris need me and I love being their mommy.

My handsome son at the IPE Fair! We spent most of Saturday at the fair and boy oh boy was it fun! What a difference one year makes for the kids and how excited they get for stuff like this! Next year is gonna rock at this point. Trying to keep tabs on them will be fun!

We are attempting no naps in our house hold. Today was day 2 for both of them. It makes for a long day for Jaris, and he may start taking a short morning nap, however afternoon naps are out. When they nap in the afternoon they tend to want to stay up until 10 or 11 pm and well that makes for a really long day. So no naps and a 7 pm bed time. I am hoping this is well established before Jeral head off for the 3rd annual motor cycle trip with some of his friends! Last year I stayed with a friend for help, this we are staying home! Home for the kids is just so much better!

Jaris saw the pediatrician today and his head is finally back on the charts!!!! So exciting for me as his mom. He is still at the top of the charts yet on the charts!!!! I am one proud mama!

The Kids are Growingup SOOOOOO Fast

2011-08-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

Bath time in tends to be one of the favorite times around here!
Look at the beautiful face!

All tuckered out from playing in the toy room and having fun.

Mommy look at me I have daddy's birthday present and I am going to have fun trying to figure it out!

What morning looks like in our family. The kids in their pj's having their buba's.

Helping mommy clean. For some reason they love playing with the broom and dry mop. Go figure. I hate cleaning and they love playing let's clean in their way. Still have a long way to go before they clean up the toy room when they are done playing!

I actually got a picture of her with her hair out of her face. She always has it in her face and will not let me put clips in, well actually I can get the hair clip in and then 30 seconds later the clip is on the floor!

Kenzie and Jaris are growing up so fast. I have pictures of them on my screen saver and I was watching the slide show the other day and my kids have gone from being babies to toddlers, and while I love much about this stage there is some grief over the baby stage being gone. Jeral and i both agree on this our hearts and home are much fuller because of being blessed with their presence in our lives. Next to when they are asleep with their head resting on my chest, hearing their laughter is the next best thing. They are so innocent and just express exactly what they want when they want. I love that some days as Kenzie and Jaris are playing she will drop everything and just walk over and wrap her arms around my neck and plant a kiss on me. Jaris will come and grab my leg and wrap his arms around and lay his head on my knee and just look up at me, then he lets go and puts his arms up in the air and says up. Then there are the times they are not happy and they let us know it, and those times are a joy too simply because they feel safe enough to be who they are with us. They are still at an age where they do not feel they have to be someone other than who they are for us, and hopefully we will be able to keep the going as they grow up. I never want my kids to feel they have to be something or someone other than they are for my approval and love. Anyways I love my kids very much! They mean everything to me, them and their daddy! I am blessed!

Broken Trust

2011-08-27T19:39:00.000-07:00

Lots of thoughts have been running through my head as of late. I think one of the reasons I blog is because I find it easier to articulate my thoughts in written format than verbally face to face. I need time to think, I need time to process, and I need time to reflect. Unfortunately this means that at times resolving issues and conflict can take time instead of right away. Which then can mean that things that were said get forgotten.

I have been thinking back to about a year ago, and the end of a relationship that I new would at some point end and yet never expected to end on the terms it did. Maybe if I would have been able to clearly articulate face to face with this person the ending would not have been so harsh. Maybe it would have been easier to talk things through and for the other person to remember things that were said. However unfortunately I let time go by as I processed and reflected. I need time, yet while that can be of great benefit it can also be a down fall. The truth is if I had the courage to really risk getting hurt again I would say to this person. I want to find a way to repair the broken trust that has occurred, yet I am not sure how, or even if that is my responsibility. Normally I would think that the responsibility to repair broken trust would fall to the person who broke trust. I really do not like the idea of living through the rest of this life with the consequences of broken trust, especially not with this person. Alas though the ball I do not feel is in my court and the reality is I am not sure if anything will ever change. So I will have to find a way to let go. I have come to realize that letting go does not mean I will never miss this person, nor that I will never cry or feel sad over how things ended. Letting go means for me releasing the hope that I could go back and change things so they would have ended differently. Letting go means giving up the hope that in the future that trust can be repaired, or even that the other person would want to repair that trust. Letting go will hopefully give me the ability to be able to embrace the present and what is in front of me.

Anyways just some of my thoughts as of late! This is what this blog was for originally. I do promise in the days ahead there will be posts with pictures of the kids and so on. I know that is what my readers really want to see and read is all about the kids especially since they are so cute and adorable!

Six Years Ago

2011-08-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

Six years ago tonight Jeral asked me out on our first date! Now me being oblivious to things like this almost shot him down. However I am thankful that I realized he was asking me out and that I said yes to going out for dinner a few nights later! And well the rest is history! I love you Jeral David Krahn! Thanks for asking me out 6 years ago, and thank you Jesus I clued in that you were asking me out!

Happy Birthday Jeral

2011-08-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Jeral's birthday. I love Jeral so very much. Back in September I had someone ask me what I love about my husband, and well here are a few things. I love how when he wraps his arms around me I melt and feel safe. He is big enough and strong enough to hold me, yet gentle enough to not break me. He is one of the kindest and most gentle persons you will ever meet. He is an amazing Father, who does his best to show what God's Father love is intended to be. I love watching him with our kids. I love how almost every day his highlight has something to do with Kenzie or Jaris. I love how he never yells or screams when he is upset, and I love that our children will get to grow up in a home where yelling is not the standard tone of voice. I love his smile. Seriously when no one is trying to get him to pose for a picture he has the best almost little boy like smile. I love his excitement for life, and I love his excitment and wondering over being married to me (seriously it is a great feeling knowing your husband loves being married to you and looks forward to each new day with you). He is just so darn cute!

Happy Birthday Jeral! I love you!!!!!

2011-08-09T11:12:00.000-07:00

I love his kissy face!Daddy's legs are the best tunnel!

Chilling with my older cousin!

Grandpa, Jaris and Daddy! I love this picture.

Life keeps moving. This is something I am really aware of these days. I wanted to slow life down and maybe even stop time for a few days. Yet life went on, and life does need to go on as it is really the only way to move through loss and grief. Yet if I am honest I still do have moments when I wish life stood still.

We bit the bullet and bought a new bedroom set for our master room. We have a mismatch of things both of us had from before we got married and since a great sale came up we decided to buy a new bedroom set. We have to wait until the end of the month for it to be delivered. I guess good things come to those who wait.

We have also changed Kenzie's room around a bit. The futon is up in her room and made into a bed. However my hope was that when she woke up crying in the middle of the night we could just snuggle in her room, and well she still settles way faster when I bring her into our room and our bed. Maybe there is just that added security of being safely snuggled between mommy and daddy. So in our bed our kids will come! Plus the reality is I really do not mind.

The Tattoo Addition

2011-08-04T23:17:00.000-07:00

Some times when one is trying to find the right words to express the deep sorrow and pain they are feeling one comes to realize that there are no words. Silence in the midst of sobs, tears, and groans says what no words could ever say.

Well and then there is me. I go and get another tattoo! Okay I am being a little on the I am tough side. Yet my tender heart wanted to always remember so I added a pink butterfly for Kenzie, a dragonfly for Jaris and then 2 other butterflies for the miracles Jesus is holding instead of me.

Our Week

2011-07-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

Wow where to begin? Life has felt like it has been going full tilt a head. Our oldest niece got married last weekend and it was so beautiful. I loved how intentional they both were with what they said to each other. I also loved what my sister in law and brother in law said to both of them in their speeches. They left an open door for both of them to come to them and talk about whatever hurts they had from their childhoods, with a promise to listen and do their best to not be defensive. I loved that! I hope I will have the humility to do that with my children.

So Kenzie has decided to start biting people! Oiy! She has drawn blood on two different kids. Ahhhh talk about embarrassing. One of those kids was Jaris and well the other was my best friends little girl. When Kenzie wants you to back off and get out of her space she bites. I am at a loss with how to correct this behavior. I know there are some who would sway bite back, or give them a smack, or flick her mouth, however all of those ideas are actually illegal in Canada since she is under the age of 2, and if she was over the age of 2 those all leave marks and thus are considered to be criminally chargeable offenses. Plus we have intentionally chosen not to use physical discipline. So for now when one of the kids bites us we tend to yelp as if it hurts so badly to startle them. Often this means there are lots of tears because they get scared from the sheer volume It just means thing may not look all nice and neat for now. I know she will eventually grow out of it, and funny thing is my mom would bite people when she liked them and she told me she was still doing it at the age of 5. So crazy!

Despite the biting going on in our house there is a lot of fun too! Jaris is turning into such a little goof ball! I love watching his smile and his laugh, and just how he will check to see if we are paying attention before he attempts to do something we have asked him not too! I love hearing the two of them playing and laughing at each other. I love watching them play together and I love, absolutely love Jaris toddling over to me and putting his arms up in the air and saying "UP".

On Monday my OBGYN prescribed something to help my body let go of our 7 week (gestationally) old baby. I sobbed in my therapists office, something I had fought doing all weekend due to trying to be as happy as I could be for my niece in the midst of grieving for us. So after spending Tuesday with Jeral's family at a cabin they rented we came home and I took the pills hoping they would work, yet not sure. I did not expect labour to start with in the hour yet it did and for the next 7 hours I cried (partly due to the intense pain and partly because I was sad) as my body let go of one of our little miracles. The reality is my little one is in the arms of Jesus and while I so wish I got to hold him or her. I got to know and dream about him or her for three glorious weeks. While I may not have gotten to hold her in my arms, there will come a day that I get to wrap my arms around him or her, and I look forward to that day. So in the mean time, I am adding to my tattoo. I am having a butterfly added for Kenzie, a dragonfly for Jaris, and two smaller butterflies for the 2 babes we have lost in the past 10 months.

I am not sure how to adequately put into words the loss we feel right now. We are so blessed to have Kenzie and Jaris in our arms every day and to have them in their beds in our home every night, and yet the joy of them does not lessen the heartache and hurt we feel right now. Yet in the three weeks we knew about our little miracle we learned so much and realized how much healing had taken place for me in the past 10 months. However that is for another day, and probably not for the blog. All of that goodness is more or less meant for one on one talks with those I trust.

Well that is all for now. I will eventually get more pictures up again, since I know that most of the blog readers really just want to see my adorable babes! I sure do love them!!!!!

Life and Loss

2011-07-22T03:54:00.000-07:00

It is almost 4 am and I am awake. Kenzie woke up crying - she had her shots today. All in all it was a tough day. Jeral and I had hoped that come Monday I would be posting a rather wonderful and lovely post. One which contained much joy and excitement. Instead today our world came crashing down around us.

Three weeks ago we found out that I was pregnant. Shocker I know. I think I was more shocked than anyone. I never thought that being able to conceive naturally would be a part of our journey. Yet as I stood looking at the pregnancy test in almost disbelief (actually I was in so much shock that I had taken a total of 7 tests to make sure) I was filled with excitement and started dreaming about this future child of ours.

I ended up at camp right after I found out. I had agreed to speak for the first week of camp, and trust me had I known I was pregnant I would not have agreed to it. However God knew I love camp and well God also knew about today and how I had my heart ripped out. So I am thankful i got to go to camp and enjoy being back in a place I love, a place I have missed, and a place where I have always been able to feel the presence of my Heavenly Father.

So fast forward to the past week. It has been filled with lots of appointments, and one of them was a dating ultrasound. The tech said a few things that freaked me out, yet I tried as best as I could to let them go and trust God, and trust that I was hearing God. I tried calling my OBGYN today to find out what the results were and there was no one in the office. However I had an appointment at the hospital and the DR. there read the report to me, and in short the report said that this pregnancy is being labeled as a failed pregnancy. There was no detectable fetal poll and the yolk sack was on the small side. My heart ripped out when those words were read to me.

Failed Pregnancy? Really Jesus? Am I hearing this right? This is not fair? I want to just shut down - stop time.

My body is still holding onto the pregnancy for some reason. I know God is capable of a miracle, and yet as I was crying on the way home with the kids in the van, I said "I know you are capable Father, I also know you are not obligated, and I know no matter what you will bring us through." In an email to a friend tonight I said that we our heart broken and trying to understand all of this yet also realizing that it is okay to not get it. If I could totally understand and comprehend all of this then I would not need God.

I will be honest the timing of this sucks. My oldest niece is getting married this weekend and I do not want to be in such a broken place. I worry that if I break down I will ruin the joyous festivities, and that is not what I want. Yet I have been working so hard on accepting what is, and this is what is - my child is with Jesus and while He could chose to give him or her back while his or her body is still in mine - I will be okay if that does not happen. Being okay does not mean all smiles and everything is great. Being okay means accepting what is and grieving through it.

I am not sure what the future holds for us in terms of more children. This I do know, I have two of the most amazing children in the whole wide world in my arms everyday and for that I am thankful, and feel so blessed. If you ever have ever met my children you know how amazing they truly are and if you have not met them well maybe someday you will and then you will understand how blessed I am.

2011-07-16T14:41:00.000-07:00

hanging out at campfire!

daddy I want my soother!!!!

Slide time with Dada

Look at me climb, and my dirty face from that yummy chilli

I am a cutie pie!

Beautiful Little Girl!

Wow it has been a while since I posted anything! Sorry for the long absence. I guess life just sort of got busy on us and I have been feeling under the weather a bit so when the kids have been napping, so have I!

I got the amazing privilege of speaking at the camp I used to work at just over a week ago! I was so blessed to get to be there. The speaker originally lined up ended up canceling with only 10 days to go, and so I talked it over with Jeral and we thought we could make it work with the farm and the kids so, I prepped 11 talks in 10 days and off to camp we went. I love how it was a reminder that I cannot do this on my own. I so needed God walking by my side. Helping me to remember that it is really Him who will do the majority of the heart work. I loved getting to tell the staff and Kids over and over again that God loves them, as they are, where they are, and how they are in this exact moment! Something I wish I would have heard more of growing up myself.

Now we are home and everyone is busy getting ready for the up coming wedding of our oldest niece to a wonderful young man who has been in love with her since he was 14. He actually told me when he was 14 that he planned on marrying her some day and that day is 8 days away now! So crazy and so wonderful.

Other than that we are pondering some changes that will most likely be happening in the next year for our family. I love that life is ever evolving and changing! We will write more about the up coming changes for our family at a later date when the time is right.

The kids keep us going non-stop, which is fun. We love being parents, and I will admit having them sleep through the night for the most part helps with the love of it!

Kenzie is 18 Months

2011-06-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

Just the 4 of us! Love my family!
Just looking at the chicks and not totally sure what to do.

Baby Chicks! This is also the budget blowing outfit that I got Kenzie while we were in Seattle!

What a little boy! I love his tie!

Hmmm maybe the cover of a Chicken Farming Magazine, or some sort of Magazine!

Having some alone time, with no kids playing with her!

We have a similar photo of him when he is 3.5 weeks old and Kate was taking photos.

What a great looking Chicken Farming Family! Now this is a magazine cover if ever there was one!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Outside in her outfit!

Playing in the grass with mommy

Hanging out in a tree!

Seriously where is time go? Today my daughter is 18 months old and officially no longer an infant. She is a toddler. Ahhhhhhhh, time I want some of you back. My baby girl is growing up way to fast. There are days that I look at her and amazed that I am her mommy, and then I think of the journey it was to become her mommy and how God intricately all worked it out. truly her life is a miracle and we get to witness that miracle everyday! This milestone maybe one I cry a little with as I grieve leaving the infant stage behind, and yet I look forward to all the toddler stage has to offer us! I know I am going to be one busy mama!

Father's Day

2011-06-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

Trying to get Jaris into the back pack for the hike!

Father and Son!

All snug in the back pack for the hike to the falls! I really wish she would allow me to put clips in her hair, however she is very content to have the hair in her face!

Caught the kids playing in the toilet and me being the fantastic mommy I am ran to get the camera and let them keep playing!

Jeral is an amazing Father! I know I have said it before and I will say it again, he is amazing. He loves spending time with his kids, and he loves teaching them new things. I never have to worry that he is going to dread spending time with them so I can go out for a bit and have some mommy recharge time. He never complains about changing diapers, he is fine with giving them a bath, or doing the dishes while I bath them! He will often get up in the middle of the night if one of them is crying and I have been up with the other one, or sometimes he just gets up so I can sleep! You should see the way his eyes light up when he talks about his daughter, and his son. You can tell he loves them so very much. Truly an amazing dad! I am so blessed that he is my husband and the father of our children.

Watching him with our children is one of those experiences that is both wonderful and hard to watch. I get the blessing of loving watching him be such a great daddy and then I also end up spending some time grieving that I did not have this as a child. I am coming to realize it is more than okay to love watching him with our kids and then also feel a bit of sadness as I process my own childhood. I will say I am grateful to be in a place where I am allowing myself to experience both the joy and the grief, and not saying it has to be either, or. Instead it is both, and!

In other family news - Jaris is so fun to watch. He no longer need to crawl over to something to pull himself up to walk. If he falls on his bottom side he just flips over and stands up! So amazing to watch , and now that he seems to having walking down pretty good he is babbling up a storm and talking so much these days! Still not sure what he is say, however I have a sneaky suspicion that Kenzie and Jaris are developing their own language!

In the Kenzie department we think that part of the anxiety problem is not liking to be given away or passed off. For example the other day I really needed to do something so I tried to give Kenzie to Jeral, well that did not go over so well. I have found that if I allow the time for the other person to gather her and let Kenzi get to a place of wanting to go to that person then the anxiety drops. I am also praying huge amounts of peace for my little girl every night as we snuggle. Interestingly enough last night I was thinking about something else as I was holding her and i was getting all feisty in my thoughts and Kenzie went from being calm to anxious and all fired up and ready to take on the world. It took a good 15 minutes to get her back to the calm almost asleep state again. Note to self when snuggling with Kenzie stay focused on her and how much I love her - do no think about anything that will produce anxiety or stress!

With all of that I am a very thankful woman for the life I have with my beautiful family!

Just Where I Am At

2011-06-19T12:49:00.000-07:00

This morning in Church we were singing the normal evangelical songs and on of the songs talked about BROKENNESS being what I need and what I long for. Another song talked about everything being for the purpose of bring God Glory. I started thinking about the past few days and how broken I have felt for months over something that happened, and how I got hurt by someone I thought would not hurt me, not in the way I was hurt. I started thinking really God, really this brings you glory, how does this bring you glory? How does broken trust bring God glory, especially when there is no way to repair that trust because the relationship that once was is no longer, and the relationship that could have been was thrown away? Things could have been so different. I guess the answer to my the question of how does this circumstance bring God glory is, it doesn't I think God hurts with myself and the other person involved. However maybe the way God is brought glory is through how I handle my end of things. I am not totally sure. Do I wish for a do over? Hell ya, and if it were all up to me we would find away to restore some sort of relationship, so trust could be mended to some degree. Yet it is not all up to me. This is where I am at!

Despite the above I am so blessed. I have two amazing little kids I am absolutely head of heals in love with and love being their mommy! I love getting to hold them, to read the stories, to wipe their snotty noses, to wipe away their tears, to sit on the floor and play with them, and so much more. I will say my favorite time of day in snuggle time in the evening just before bed. I love having them fall asleep in my arms! I have a wonderful Husband who I am madly in love with, and I know who is madly in love with me too! Lucky woman I know! I have a great life, more than anything I ever had as a child growing up, and Jeral and I will be able to provide for them in ways my mom could not provide for my sister and I as kids! I guess I am trying to in life find the beautiful in the midst of brokenness, and my family definitely is something beautiful!

Life This Week

2011-06-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

Life with two little ones is constantly on the go! Monday I came home from a Doctor's appointment to an empty house. Jeral had taken both kids to Vernon for a little bit, and well the house was unusually quiet. While I took in a few quiet moments I reflected on how Jeral and I loved having our God-Daughters over at the house all the time because there laughter, shouts, cries, and chatter filled this large house with wonderful noise, and how every time they would go home after we had them for a week or two Jeral and I would go out on a date because we could not bear to be in such a large and silent house. I had that same feeling when I came home Monday and there was not pitter-patter of Kenzie and Jaris coming to see me because they heard my voice. Funny you would think I would enjoy a few moments of silence and yet I find I enjoy it ore when I know they are in our home soundly sleeping, than when they are not here.

So I was at the Doctor on Monday for a few things. My allergies are awful this year and something needed to be figured out because I am having to triple dose allergy meds and still I am having allergy attacks. So off to an allergist I am going. Not sure when, however hopefully before this allergy season is over. In the mean time I am on a nasal steroid and it seems to be helping. I also have a spot on my lip that I have had for a while that is getting darker. It was decided that we would keep monitoring it and if it changes than a biopsy will have to happen. I had a friend ask me if I was scared and my answer to her was no, there is nothing to be afraid of, just keeping an eye on it.

Kenzie has really been struggling separation anxiety lately. We have noticed ever since we brought her home and that people who say good bye or leave to go home, fills her with anxiety. However it is getting harder and harder for me to leave the house to go to appointments, or even today while we were watching the game I got up to go get a drink and she started crying and came running up to me with her arms up wanting to be picked up. this morning I had to go to town and I was going to take Jaris to come with me since I took Kenzie last night, and she reached out for me as I was telling her I love her and I would be back soon, and she grabbed my skin and dug her nails in as I trying to go to the van. Needless to say my mommy heart was breaking and I choose to bring her too. It is sort of a catch 22 do i try to sneak out undetected, or do I reassure her that I love her very much and that I will be coming back shortly.

Last night at bed time it was so hard, any time I tried to put her down in her crib she looked at me she sheer terror in her eyes, as if to say, "Mommy don't leave me." It took from 8:30 pm to 1 am to finally get her asleep. Twice Jeral tried to spell me off and both times she cried and cried and cried, so finally I said it is okay, I will stay with her no matter how I feel (dang allergies). She finally fell asleep all nuzzled on my chest. Seriously sweet and I cherished that time, since she is more of a face out kind of girl, and I think that last time I remember her snuggling like that she was 2 weeks old. I am hoping and praying that she is just out of whack because we got home only a week ago from holidays and while we were away she fell asleep in my arms and slept in the same bed as me and now we are adjusting back to her room and her crib!

This afternoon I saw one of the most wonderful things in the world. Jaris was chasing Kenzie! He was walking after her laughing and reaching out for her and she was running to get away, all the while laughing! I am so thankful that Jaris is walking and am in such awe of my little boy. My heart melts a lot in the presence of my children. Especially these days when Jaris walks up to me and puts his hands up and says, "Mama", and then I get to swoop down and pick him up in my arms. I remember the times I would sit and cry in the counseling room with Joy over the whole infertility journey we were walking through and while not getting pregnant month after month was a huge part of that heart ache. The bigger heart ache was not having my children in my arms. Not being able to come home and pick up my son or daughter and hold them in my arms, and kiss them on the cheek, and tell them I love them and I love being their mama. Now I get to do that with both y miracles. It is one of the best feelings in the world. Something to cherish for every!

Other than that I have been processing lots and learning lots lately, and well the time to write on the blog has not yet come and I am not sure if my blog is the forum for it I am grateful for those Jesus has sent along past and present to walk we me and Him as I learn all this stuff! So blessed indeed!

2011-06-10T23:11:00.000-07:00

My little girl, who is really not a baby anymore! Wow, wear did time go? This morning she was so adorable. When she realized that Jeral was leaving the house, she got down from my lap and ran into the kitchen and said, "Bu-bye, Dada." Way to melt my heart little girlie! I know the day she can say "I love you!" I will start crying. Today was also the first day of us attempting no nap in the afternoon for her. Actually it was day 2 however I am not counting the day that she slept until 10 am as us starting. Anyways it was nice to get some focus time with just her. Something to look forward to in our afternoons!

So my son is still sick, and man alive is he ever snugly. He normal is a snuggle bug, however as he has gotten more independent the snuggle time has decreased significantly however with this flu he is all about mama these days. Despite this flu though Jaris is walking up a storm these days. I realized just how little room he had to walk around in our hotel room, however when we got home and he saw the wide open space to roam around in, he wasted no time. I love Jaris, my son so very much.

Well I still have a few thoughts to ponder privately and we have a big day tomorrow! My friend is coming to take our family pictures, and I am so excited for a few of the picture set ups. However I will keep those a surprise for a later post!

The Zoo and our Holidays

2011-06-06T23:36:00.001-07:00

A baby Dinosaur! Not sure if it was worth the $6 we paid to see the real life especially since Kenzie got scared and started crying!

Gotta love the spray! Apparently a friend from Bible College thinks this looks like me. Hmmmmm, note to self delete as a facebook friend!

Bear Sloth - this guys was shy. He kept coming out of his cave and then would see people and turn around, however I got a good picture none the less.

Big Yawn, on a hot sunny afternoon! Not sure if i would want to be close to those teeth!

He had the right idea. Oh how nice to be swimming on a hot day!

Taking an afternoon nap! He may look snugly however it is all an act!

If you look closely there is another one in the sack!

Nice and shiny!

She looks like she is smiling

We are done mama!

Did you know that lions rest 23 hours in the day, and the women are the ones who hunt and bring back for the males. Learned that on a Safari in Kenya, not at the zoo!

Hip - Hip - Hip - Hippopotamus, hip-hip-hip-horray God made all of us! A lovely camp song that once upon a time I got to sing a lot!

Someone is mad!!!! Actually someone came a little to close to her eggs for her liking!

One of my favorite zoo animals!! :)

There legs bend the opposite way ours do! Not sure if I could handle that if I were a bird. Good thing I am not a bird!

One of the very few pictures with me in it. Since I am the photographer I take most of the pics and am in very few, however i got Jeral to take one and it turned out okay!

My favorite picture of the day!

Three of the best looking zoo animals ever!!! Love you guys!

Thought this was funny!

Well we are now home from our first over the boarder family holiday and it was great! Yes a lot of work with two toddlers, and yet so much fun! So here is the over view of our trip.

We got to visit with a lot of friends. It was so good seeing each and every one of them. Headed down to Blaine Washing ton to celebrate the adoption of a little miracle named Makenzie. Then we drove to Seattle where we spent three nights, in a small and in my mind ghetto hotel room, however really I just like to stay in nice hotels and well lets just say this one was not like the pictures when it was booked. Our time there included the Zoo, swimming at the hotel, a trip to Pikes Market, me purchasing a very lovely yet kids clothing budget blowing outfit for Kenzie (don’t worry we got lots for Jaris too). The kids thought every night was a party! It was so funny yet so hard to get them to go to sleep at night! A middle of the night projectile vomit all over me was also included in this trip. All in all we had a blast, and I am looking forward to the next family holiday!

So the trip to the zoo was so much fun. While the kids are still young I know they enjoyed it a lot. They were looking at everything with awe and wonder, so or like I was. Kenzie kept pointing at everything and everyone. She was rather social, however that is nothing new. She was constantly waving at people and saying hi and then as we would walk by she would say bu-bye! It was so adorable. They did really well in the stroller and we made sure we took breaks to let them out and play. I had a ton of fun with my mother’s day gift and kept telling Jeral how grateful I was for the camera I got. Once we got back to the hotel we got the kids ready to go swimming and that was hilarious and we loved having the pool at to ourselves. After swimming we went back to our hotel room to watch a rather disappointing Canucks game! Oh well despite the but whipping our team took our family had a wonderful day!

Pikes Market Place was a nice. The last time Jeral and I were there was on our honey moon, and since we went walking on New Years Day most of the little shops were closed, so it was nice to get to see all the vendors and so on. However Jaris was sick and I felt badly for my poor little boy. When he puked the first time I thought he just choked a bit on his gerber cheese puff, and that is why, however after he ate some blue berries and we were walking all of a sudden he was puking a lot and it got all over him. Luckily we were by a kids clothing store (lucky for Jaris, not so lucky for our pocket book). Most of the stuff was all organic cotton and rather expensive, however so adorable. And I found the most adorable outfit for Kenzie there. I showed it to Jeral and told him the price and at first he said no, so I put it back, we bought the stuff for Jaris so we could change him, and we left. However for the rest of the afternoon I kept thinking about the out fit. We looked at other stuff and just nope I did not like the things I was seeing for Kenzie so we talked about it and I agreed that this was it then for this month and kids clothing, and I went back and bought the $150 outfit. Yep one outfit cost $150. So worth it though.

We went out for dinner at Red Robins – the same restaurant Jeral and I went to on our honeymoon. The kids did great. I was so impressed with them. Once we got back to the hotel we got the kids ready for bed and watch animal planet for a long while. The kids thought it was party time and well bed time was close after 11 pm. Kenzie was snuggling with me to fall asleep – this prevented the kids screaming and keeping the neighbours up, and well I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to a loud crash. Kenzie fell off the bed. This was a first in the middle of the night. She moves a lot however I did not expect her to fall off the bed. She was more scared than anything, and understandably so. Imagine being a tiny toddler and one second peacefully sleeping and the next crashing on the floor and smacking you hand on the air conditioner. Poor baby girl. Her screaming woke up Jaris so we had two crying babes. I finally got Kenzie to sleep just in time to take Jaris from Jeral so he could go back to sleep and well I head Jaris gagging so I took him to the bathroom and just as I turned the lights on projectile vomit came flying out of his mouth. It was all over me and him, down the front of my shirt, in my shirt and dripping down my body, down my back and in my shirt down my back, as well as all over my neck etc. I think you get the picture. I called Jeral in hoping Kenzie would stay sleeping and while Jaris and I showered, Jeral cleaned up the puke on the floor. I did not think a little guy could puke like that, yet wow he sure did. I finally got him to sleep and then I crawled into bed and prayed that the kids would both sleep until 9 am so I could get some sleep. Nope no such luck. And with that we headed home to good old Armstrong, with a few stops on the way! A visit to G&G Krahn, and a stop in Windfield for Jeral to puke. Yep he is sick now too. And while we had a fantastic trip I am happy to be home and sleeping in my own bed tonight! I still have a post or two more with other photo's from our trip, however it is late and I want to sleep so those will have to wait as I have time to post them!

Vacation so Far

2011-06-05T21:53:00.000-07:00

The ice sculpture at the Adoption Party for our friend's daughter who happens to be named Makenzie, just spelt a little differently than our MacKenzie. My Kenzie though she would get in on the party since most likely she is not going to get a party on this grand of scale. Hmmm if we would have adopted through the ministry instead of privately maybe we could have afford to do a party like this!!!!! Hmmm, nope I would rather have the Kenzie we have than a grand party, yet it was a nice party that is for sure!

So we are on our holidays and one of the reasons were came down to the States is because so friends of ours adopted a little baby girl named Makenzie. We know the blessing of adoption first hand and how wonderful it is and we know the heart ache of fertility issues too and how adoption is for some of us a very wonderful and amazing way to become parents. I wish I was able to get a better picture of this amazing family. The day was a whirl wind for them - I think we will have to come back down some other time and spend more time with them.

Kenzie and her favorite party Auntie! At first the kids were not to sure however it was a quick warm up and well Kenzie as usual hammed it up for everyone!

My favorite picture of Jaris and his Auntie. Love the smiles both have!

My handsome son all spiffed out wearing a tie!

I love this sign because it is so true for any child that is born - little piece of heaven has come down to earth to bless us. I know I feel this way about my kids.

So the two Kenzie's meet and well they both were grabbing at each others hair. Hmmm! You would think I am used to people walking up to me by now and saying, "You are Leanne, I have heard all about." And normally it is because everyone knows Jeral from his Saudi days. And while this lady knows Jeral from his Saudi days, she also informed me that she is the "CHILDHOOD" friend of the woman we named Kenzie - emphasis on childhood! I just think it is funny that people I have never met know me and know my daughter! I guess the blog sort of helps with that a bit!

Part of the amazing decor at the adoption party we were at.

Kenzie and her cousin! Kenzie is a boy kind of girl and between her cousin and another boy Kenzie was very entertained

The cup cake tower. I knew the party was going to be grand, however it was more than anything I thought it would be. The hall was decorate as though we were attending a fancy wedding reception. Oiy, our wedding reception was not this grand. It was beautiful!

My very cute little boy snuggling with his sister's teddy bear.

My two amazing boys! My son and my husband. So tired! Probably from all the cheering they did during the hockey game.

We got together with two of my high school friend and their kids! It is hard to believe between the 3 of us we have 4 kids and yet it is so fun!

Thinking about eating rocks thus a cute little smile.

Riding the fish! We have a horse at home that Kenzie can ride on so she loved this park toy.

Jaris had just woken up and me being in opportune photo mode could not resist taking a few teary photos before I picked him up. My son just has the best cheeks in the world!

Our first night in the hotel in Aldergrove it took until midnight to get the kids to go to sleep, so when morning came Kenzie was like her mama, not a morning person!

We are not quite half way through our trip and I thought it would be fun to post some pictures, especially since I have taken so many already. Unfortunately I accidentally left my memory card in our computer at home, so the first night hanging out with our friend Trev, Rebekah, and Isaiah I did not get any pictures of.

So Friday, we actually left on time for once. I credit that to my pre-packing for days before hand. We made a pit stop in Merrit at my high school, Sunday school teachers house and let the kids play. The got soaked playing in the dogs water bucket. So adorable. Then we headed to Aldergrove and settled into the hotel. Let me say trying to get a hotel in the lower mainland the weekend of Track and Field Provincals, Ruby Nationals, and the Canucks in the Stanley Cup Finals was a tall order on very short notice. After settling in we joined our friend at the Eagle Mountain Park and let the kids plays while we chatted. The park up there has something for almost every age group and it is beautiful up there.

Saturday I met up with some high school friends and we took our kids to a park to play. I loved watching all of us with our kids. After that we hung out with another friend who I have not seen in a year or so, and then it was off to hang out with Marie, and Joelle. Andrew ditched us! However he was hanging out with on of his best friends so we understood. And in the end I got to hang out with Marie and the Canucks won so who can complain? So far we have had a great jam packed vacation! Life is good!

Fun Weekend

2011-05-30T22:25:00.000-07:00

Chasing after dogs! Love this face - future wedding material I think!
Mid step! Playing outside in a white dress - what was I thinking?
New friend Sean, and this little boy got some exciting news today #1 - His adoption is finalized! #2 - He is going to be a big brother to the little brother (my friend is 20 weeks along and they found out today they are having a boy)
Lounging with Daddy watching all the action take place! I love this picture of the two of them together!
Kenzie petting Stella (I think this is Stella or it is Ruby - hmmm, not to sure oh well). My little girl loves dogs and cats. I look forward to the day out rottie is in doggie heaven and we can get a more kid friendly dog for the kids to grow up with!

Sean getting stuck. It was so funny and yet he was not happy. Glad I had the camera on hand to catch this moment!

Trying to stand up unaided! He almost got it up. He has gotten up a few times on his own, it is just his big head that he struggles with balancing. He is getting there though!

Playing the drums on daddy's head and loving it!

Let me outta here! Come on mommy and daddy why did you have to build the fence I wanna fun free!

I love it when she does this. It is her way of saying what is up with this, I just don't get it.

Jaris looking at daddy - and his look says it all "Really daddy, you really want me to kiss you? Well okay if that is what you want!"

Here comes the kiss!

We just finished yet another busy weekend with some friends. This past weekend was the Metis Cultural Festival here in Armstrong, and some friends of ours from Kamloops came out to partake in the weekend. We joined them for a little bit on Saturday and then on Sunday they came to our place and stayed until this morning. It was fun for Kenzie and Jaris to have another little buddy to play with. I must admit though Kenzie was a little possessive of her toys. Totally developmentally appropriate though. Yet I found my self apologizing a lot in the beginning because Kenzie was acting like a bit of a brute. We were trying not to laugh though because it was sort of funny. At one point Sean was trying to slide down the slide, yet Kenzie did not want him to so she stood in front of the slide with on hand on her hip the other foot firmly placed on the slide so he would have to go through her to get down. Oiy, seriously where does she learn these things?

Grandma and Grandpa Krahn came for a short visit today, the kids got to see them in the morning, however when they were finished butchering chickens the kids were going down for naps. I think I heard them come to say hi and goodbye, however I was almost had Kenzie asleep and moving from the rocking chair would have spelled disaster and a nap was very much so needed for the kids since they have had way to many late nights and got up earlier than normal this morning. For me if I stay up to late then I want to sleep in, with the kids nope. If they stay up late then they want to get up early. Go figure! However one very sweet thing that happened when Grandma K. was here - Jaris saw her and walked right on over to her very excited to she his grandma! It was very sweet and he I am pretty sure that was the most steps in a row he has taken to date!

Well I think that is it. Now life will consist of us getting ready for our trip over the next few days. I figure if I spend the next few nights once the kids are in bed packing things, I will be a little less stressed the day before and morning of leaving! I am very excited to see my one of my best friends and I am very excited to celebrate the joys of adoption with some friends!

2011-05-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Reading Daddy's motorcycle magazine

The three loves of my life

Eating Spaghetti! He loves meals like this, however it sure does make a huge mess!

Life is good. What can I say? Jaris is getting more steady on his feet day after day. He still has a ways to go before he is walking all the time, however he is trying and it is so fun watching him reach this milestone. He also has figured out how to climb up the stairs to the slide and then how to slide down feet first on his stomach. When he gets to the bottom he sits on his knees and starts to clap for himself and waits for Jeral or I to start clapping for him too! So cute!

Kenzie is so funny. Last night she was not tired so we let her stay up and she was running all over talking away (I wish I could understand it all). She would come up to one of us and say something, wink at us and start laughing hysterically. Seriously adorable!

In other news it has been a week since we were told our fence would be finished and still it is not finished! Not to happy about that. It would make play time out side a little easier on me, as both kids head for separate open gates at the same time. I am pretty sure they think it is hilarious watching mommy scramble to keep them in the fenced area!

In a week we are going on holidays. We have our passports so we are going to the States to celebrate with some friends the adoption of their daughter whose name is Makenzie (called Kenzie for short too). I love hearing stories of adoption and getting to watch this unfold first hand was wonderful, and way less stressful on us than when we were adopting. It is always way nicer being an onlooker.

May Long Weekend

2011-05-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

My beautiful little niece Maddy!

Ahhh, this is the life! Playing outside with my Grandma, brother, and cousin!

My adorable and very handsome nephew!

Hmmm, looking all serious my son!

For some reason Kenzie does not like walking over the cracks on the side walk so she crawls over them. Man if I could read her mind and figure out her reasoning behind it. Still stinking cute though!

Getting slobbery kisses from auntie! Jaris loved follwing her around and was mr. personality with auntie around. Actually his personality has been coming out more and more and he is getting very social these days!

Jaris at my cousin's wedding. He and Jeral wore matching purple shirts! The looked very handsome together!

Posing all nicely for mommy! Man these two are handsome!

Throwing rocks at the Trestles! Seriosuly having Tyson there made my day. He was in awe of everything we saw from the height of the trestles to the little waterfall we stopped to take pictures at. Man somewhere along the line we loose the awe and wonder that we had as kids. It was nice to get that back for a little bit!

Being held by Daddy and walking along. This was one of Jeral's favorite pictures!

This was one of y favorite pictures. I love seeing her and just Jeral's hand. So blessed t be her mommy!

Chris (my bro-in-law) and his son Tyson having fun!

Well I hope everyone had a great long weekend! We sure did! First off my youngest cousin got married so that ade for a great weekend. We took the kids to the ceremony and then we went to the Kettle Valley Trestles with my sister and her family for a nice walk. Times like that are way more enjoyable with little kids. Everything is so amazing through their eyes! After our walk we headed out to Boston Pizza (it's kid friendly) for supper to celebrate my brother in laws 35 Birthday. All in all it was a good day.

My sister and her family actually spent ost of the weekend with us at our house. I will admit I was worried at first simply because well to put it nicely my bro-in-law and I sometimes struggle to get along. So a whole weekend could be challenging, however I am happy to say that we got along just fine and it was a great weekend!

So I am proud of myself! In previous post I have mentioned how I get overwhelmed with the astronomical amount of weight I desire to loose. Well I have been chuncking it and making my goals smaller, and the first goal I accomplished this past weekend. I was a little worried with all the visiting and eating we were going to be doing this weekend, however I still lost weight and in the process made one goal, and almost accomplished the second one! It has been a good day so far!

2011-05-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

Love this boy so very much!

My amazing little girl deciding to be a bit Steve Erkleish!!! She refuses to wear the sunglasses with the lens in however she loves hamming it up with these ones on! Gotta love the booger hanging out her nose too!

Blossoms from one of our trees!

I am hoping we are finally over all the sickness that we had going on here for the last little while! I am done with being sick and with having sick kids! I have never seen so much snot. It has been crazy. However I love the cuddles I have been getting lately.

We had my mom out for a few days to help me get all the flower beds weeded and the flowers planted out front. I am liking how things are looking and look forward to adding things here and there over the next little while to add to the beauty of it all! I never thought I would be one who would get all excited about flowers and so on, however I guess having my own home and growing up a little has helped. Plus this year the babes are a whole year older and that makes life just a little bit easier!

2011-05-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

Just some more photo's of our amazing kids! Life as of late has been filled with snotty noses, sore throats, puking, tears and everything else that comes with being sick! Yet surprisingly we are surviving and hoping that soon al of this is behind us and life is back to it's usual happy times!

More Pictures!

2011-05-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

Its a jungle out here! Daddy I think it is time to cut the grass!

Sitting with daddy and getting a head message! Oh yeah, nothing is better than that!

Where did my sister go?

Jaris' foot! My boy has big feet!

Such kissable and squeezeable cheeks my boy!

Licking my snot so yummy! Mommy thinks it is grow though!

Sitting in the stroller waiting for someone to take me out so I can crawl on the grass.

Should I wear it or not?

Just after a laundry basket slide! Daddy can slide me further than mommy!

Hmmm, mommy what is this? Note to self do not leave my bag on the ground.

Sweetness!

Chilling in the toy room on a sick day!

So all 4 of us caught the cold. AHHHHHHHHH! Alas that is life, however the thing that made it all better was seeing Jaris take his first unassisted steps yesterday! Yep you read that right Jaris has started to walk! He is still not that steady and crawling is fast however he is braving new territory and walking little bits here and there! When he started walking towards me yesterday it took everything in me not to scream for joy and startle him. I wanted him to keep walking and if I startled him I he was sure to fall down. I get so excited every time he accomplishes a major milestone. With Kenzie it was different she was so fast at meeting her milestones, and while I was excited for her it was almost expected that she would accomplish things when she did. Jaris however despite knowing all the genetic testing came back normal last summer, we still were unsure and had many questions. So every milestone accomplished grants us added room to breathe and puts our minds and hearts at rest! I am so thankful for 2 beautiful, healthy children!

Just Playing Around

2011-05-11T14:08:00.000-07:00

Playing Hide and Go Seek with mommy and the camera and then she found a rock and that was more interesting!

I love these two so very much!!!!

My son is not that mischievous however one would think from looking at this picture that he has a wild side to him! I mean he is my son after all and well those who know me know I have a crazy side!

Yummy I love Grapes!!!

Look at that Face and Smile! Seriously little boy your expressions crack mommy up!!!

So we have two sick babes and I can feel whatever they got about to hit me too! So not fun and yet so the way it goes as a parent!

I have been taking Kenzie to a Play Therapy Group on Wednesday mornings I have been learning lots about my self as a mom and as a human being in general. Really the group is all about teaching us a parents how to play with our kids in healthy nurturing ways. One thing I realized is that man did we ever spend a fortune on developmental toys for Jaris when in fact I could have gone and bought a few packages of stickers to stick on my face and that would have helped with his fine motor skills!!!!! Seriously the games that we play with our children are way better than any old toy and really when it boils down to it out kids want us! One of the things I really enjoyed watching today was how one of the other mom's let her son cover her face in dot stickers and just left them there. How many mom's would do that? Fortunately for me Kenzie was more interested in taking them off of my face than putting them on! Thank you baby girl!

At the end of our time together the group leader who just happens to be my sister in law and on of Kenzie's favorite people in the world asks all of us "what was something that stuck out for us during our time?" Then she asks the harder question, "What was one thing you appreciated about yourself during this time?" Now talk about a tough question. Yet how many of us do actually take a few seconds to think about this question and answer it honestly. So for me today I appreciated about my self was that I was able to feel okay going out in public without make-up on. Now for those of you who knew me back in the day I never wore make-up. However now a days I wear it all the time. Anyways maybe take a moment and tell yourself what is one thing you are able to appreciate about your self today!

2011-05-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

For Mother's Day I got a new camera! I have wanted one since last summer, however the timing just never seemed right. So I was very excited to get my new camera yesterday, and us being Mennonite we got a great deal on a demo camera. However the deal was too good to be true because the camera did not work so I took it back this morning and got myself a different camera that in my opinion is just as good of a deal if not better.

I am excited to take pictures if the kids as we go on holidays this June and as we are playing outside! I would have loved it for yesterday as both Kenzie and Jaris had everyone we ran into captivated!

Jeral give me a choice yesterday morning. We could either go to the farmers market at Caravan Farms, or we could take the kids to Crazy Creek Hot Springs. Guess which one I chose? Now if you are thinking I hate bathing suits and thus chose the Farmers Market you would normally be right. However in this case you are wrong I chose the Hot Springs! I would have loved to have the camera with me then as the babes were so funny! Kenzie and Jaris kept laughing at each other and they waved and smiled at everyone they saw. I lost track of how many times we were asked if they were twins.

We decided to share with a nice couple the story of how we have two so close in age and yet not twins. As it turned out they had been married for 20 years and really wanted to have children. They became very curious about adoption. What is cost? How we feel about our daughter verses our son? Normally that question would tick me off, however I new this was a curiosity question and not just an assumption that we loved one child more than the other. I told them that I often forget that Kenzie is adopted and that Jaris is not adopted. I love both of my children with all my heart. Jaris does not have the monopoly on my heart just because he grew inside me. Both were carried in my heart long before they were conceived!

We also got to share with them a story of some friends who have been married for 20 years and this past January adopted a little 9 month old (then, now she is a year old) girl. I could see her eyes light up as she realized that just maybe she was not too old to adopt.

Anyways, that was for me a great moment in many wonderful moments yesterday! Now if only the Canucks can finish off Nashville tonight that would be the icing on top of a sweet delicious cake!

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T09:12:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to take a moment to say Happy Mother's Day! Today is a day filled with great joy for many, like myself. Today is also a day filled with heartache for others who long to have a babe in their arms, some whose children are in heaven with Jesus, and for some who out of love placed their children in the arms of another.

Today I am thankful for my beautiful babes! I am forever grateful to the woman who placed her daughter in our arms, and I am thankful for technology making it possible to have our son! Two very different journeys have given me the great blessing in life and that is the blessing of being a mom!

Happy Mother's Day!

Blessings!

2011-05-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

Well it is late and I am wide awake. My fault since I decided to have a mug of coffee to help get ride of my headache. I am going through Coke (the drink) withdrawal and instead of going out and buying some to drink I decided coffee would help. Well now I am buzzed and awake! Oh well that is life.

Today I was blessed to have a home filled with laughter. The laughter of my amazing kids!!!!! And as I was listening to them filling our home with noise I was thankful. It brought me back a day when after 9 days of hanging out with our God Daughters we their parents came back home, and wanted their girls back. That evening Jeral and I went out because we could not bare to be in a silent house without the many noises that they made. How we prayed for our house to become a home with kids running around creating messes and a bit of chaos, and now we have that! I am thankful and hope I never take for granted how much of a miracle both my babes are.

Besides that moment for me today was a great day. I took the kids on a walk, and after we got home it was time to play outside and have our snack out there. I was astonished that Kenzie loved the grapefruit. I thought it was sour, however ever she liked the taste. Jaris on the other hand wanted the dried cherries!!!!! And the best part of that was Jeral saw us and came to play with us. How privileged and lucky are we that in the middle of the day Jeral can stop working and spend time with us? Pretty dang special. I know not many have the kind of life style that their husbands are so involved in the caring of, and hands on parenting of their kids to the degree that farm life allows Jeral to with our kids, and for that I am grateful!

Playing Outside!

2011-05-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Playing soccer with daddy!

Look at me strut! Kenzie with her stylish sunglasses. Trying to keep the glasses on them is a challenge since they don't like things on their face, however for a few seconds she kept them on. She has a huge personality and it is so much fun watching her just let it shine!

Cuddles and loves playing outside! Two of the best looking males around! I know I am bias!

Jaris sitting on the grass with his legs crossed. So adorable!!!!! He is such a cute little boy, and I love him so very much!

The three loves of my life! I am so blessed to have them in my life. So much has changed from a few years ago. I looked over at Jeral this afternoon and said to him, "Can you believe that this is our life?"

Today has been a glorious day outside, so we took the kids out and played for over 2 hours! So much fun, and the kids finally got over their fear of the grass. We figured they did not like the texture of the grass because it felt weird so we decided to take the blanket away and just make them play on the grass and it worked! Grass is fun now!

So we bought a new stroller on Friday. It is a BOB Revolution. I really wanted something that I could use for taking the kids on walks that had a divider between the two of them. The scrapping and fingers in the eyes were cause drama when we were walking. Therefore when we got my tax return I went out and bought the stroller I had originally wanted to get. I took it for a spin last night and it was so great. I even ran a bit. I am totally out of shape, however it was a start.

Speaking of getting back into shape as I was walking with Jaris and Kenzie I was thinking that the whole idea of loosing the 50 lbs I have gained and then another 30 lbs on top of that is a little daunting. It took me a year to drop 70 lbs before. A year just seems so long. However then I remembered something Jesus always said to me when I was still seeing Joy. "Just Chunk it!" Instead of focusing on the over all 80 lbs. Aim for 1lbs. Instead of thinking about a year, only think about today, and if I fall flat on my face and have a rough oh well that is where I am at for today. Now i will admit this is easier said than done. Oh well one moment at a time!

2011-04-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

Play time outside! They were so funny laughing away at each other!

Some one on one time with mommy after daddy took Kenzie back inside. I love how he will get so excited to play ball with mommy. He is fantastic at rolling the ball back to me and then he flails his arms in excitement as he waits for me to roll the ball back to him.

Jeral and I have been talking about toys some of us had as kids and he mentioned that some friends of his had a clown that when you punched it would fall over and then pop back up. I am not sure if I am old enough to actually remember those kind of toys :) However I was able to find a penguin similar to it that also makes noises and the kids love it!

Have I recently said how much I love these kids? I know I write about them a lot, so my love may be implied. However I never want my love just to be implied I want to shout it from the roof tops that I love these kids so very much. Yes I love all the quirky and funny things that they do. Yet I love them simply because they exist. I am so blessed to get to be their mommy. Last night could have been one of those nights I complained about having to get up in the middle of the night. Yet I am finding that I enjoy all the snuggles late night or early morning depending on one's point of view. There is something about the house being all quiet and sitting in a rocking chair with a very adorable and tired little one in my arms. There is something very calming and relaxing when Kenzie or Jaris settle down in my arms. It actually calms me. I remember talking with someone about how it actually is creating a brain connection between my babes and me. So seeing as they are getting more and more independent I will take all the times I get to connect and attach with them because I love them so very much!

Pictures and Life

2011-04-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

My baby boy and his stylish hair! I love putting gel in it and spiking it so he looks all cute. He is looking more and more like a little boy and not a baby anymore and some days I am sad about the baby days being gone, however I look forward to the toddler days!

Not sure how many of you had a horse like this when you were little? My sister and i sure did so I love watching my kids ride on this one the G & G Krahn found for them! I have a picture of me as a little girl sitting on a horse just like this in my pj's and house coat!

playing with a musical giraffe!

giving mommy an "I am not impressed, yet I sort of want to show off" face! I love the many expressions I get to watch my kids make with their faces.

My kids are growing up way to fast! I love watching them every day explore, finding the new in the old. I often wonder where all the curiosity and awe we had a little children disappeared to. I guess as we grow up life happens and we get more skeptical due to the reality that at times we get hurt, at times things do not turn out how we want. I really want to encourage my babes to stay curious for as long as they can.

As much as I am not a morning person. I must admit that I love our mornings as a family. Jeral stays home and we often are all in our PJ's or comfy clothes and we play. Sometimes we put on Play House Disney for the babes to watch. It all depends on the morning. Mostly the thing I love the most is that we are together as a family! On the mornings that are rushed because we need to get out the door I miss this time that we normally get and I know not having it affects me greatly because I tend to get grumpy then. A grumpy tired mama is not a good combination. I guess what I love the most about our mornings is that it is a time that we ALL get to connect with each others. I even started drinking coffee again in the mornings as we play with the kids, and Jeral and I talk.

What else is new these days? Hmmm, Jaris is walking behind his walking toy. I so love watching him do things like that. He is babbling more which is so nice. I am trying not to use the soother during the day for both kids. I love watching them play together. I know that they will have constant companions with being so close in age and yet I also know that there will be days they need space from each other too.

Kenzie is getting more and more vocal. She has figured out how to say Riley. Riley is Auntie Jodi's dog and kenzie absolutely adores him. It is so fun watching both kids personalities coming out! Kenzie also loves balls. Any time we go out and she sees a ball she wants it. What is it with balls and this developmental stage? Oh well gotta love it. The best gift for the moment is a ball!

Boths kids love the outdoors, however they do not like grass. I will have to figure something out so we can start spending more time outside playing without my back hurting from carrying both of them around. Well I think that is all for today as Jaris is napping and I now get to spend some great one on one time with Kenzie. Hmmm I have a feeling we will be throwing balls all over the toy room!!!!!

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T09:00:00.001-07:00

It's a little blurry I may need to get a copy of Shelley's photo's. We had wanted to get pictures of the girls in matching dresses and Jaris all snazzy however our kids were tired and started crying so Jeral and I got in the pictures too! Sort of us having all our "kids" with us. I miss hanging out with the girls all the time. Having them in our lives filled a huge void in our hearts when we wanted children and yet were unable too at the time.

My good looking boys! Jaris was so tired and so was Jeral. As much as Easter weekend was great getting to see everyone it was almost too busy for us! My guys look good in purple!

Kenzie got to wear a very special locket on Easter Sunday. I was not sure if I was going to let her wear it or even if i was ready for her to wear it. I am pretty sure she was more interested in the box than the locket. I tired to take the box away while taking a picture however that did not go over so well. Boxes and balls seem to be the only toys my kids need these days!!

Jaris simply exhausted and wanting a buba (aka - bottle). Despite how busy we were this past weekend both kids did very well.

While at church Kenzie found a doll in the nursery and she loves dolls a lot. I thought it was so cute watching her hold the doll, kiss it, and stroke its head the way I do with her and Jaris. I feel so very blessed to get to be here to watch my babies grow!

Kenzie and me on Sunday Morning. Kenzie was not all that into the picture. Oh well she sure is a cutie pie!

Happy Easter everyone! This is technically the kids 2nd Easter as last year at this time both Jaris and Kenzie we tiny babes. Jaris was a week old at Easter and Kenzie was 3 and a half months. Wow things have changed so much in a year and a bit. Today I will probably get cuddle time with each of them and tell them the Easter Story. It is a story we have told them time and time again. This time though today we will use the Kids Bible that G & G Krahn bought them. I know that Kenzie and Jaris do not understand why we celebrate today. They are too little for now. However one day they will not be. I honestly do not remember how old I was when I really understood all that Jesus did for me. Nor am I sure that as an adult I totally comprehend it completely either. I guess the older I get the more I realize I have way more to understand. A far cry from the young teenager I was who thought I knew it all!!!!

Anyways from our family to all of you, we hope you have had a great Easter Weekend! And that in the days ahead you feel the very real, and very much alive presence of Jesus close to you!

2011-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

I have never been a fan of the typical church photo. There is always a bland wall background, however some friends of ours are going to visit someone Jeral knows and they wanted a family picture to show Jeral's friends so the stereo typical church directory photo was taken! Since the kids are growing up so fast I decided to post the most updated family photo we have. However I think a professional one is in order soon! Kate you will be getting a phone call soon!!!!!

I love the look on her face right here. It is as if she has just heard something and is utterly shocked by what was said. Hmmm, this was also taken at church, maybe she was shocked by the sermon!!!!! ;)

We took the kids to the park a week or so ago and Jaris was not to happy about being in the swing. Poor baby boy was also very tired after a great physio session!

This one is for Auntie Jocelyn. She found this cute out fit and got baby Maddy one and Kenzie one so they match! I sure have a very adorable and well dressed little girl!

Jaris eating his lunch yesterday! He sure is one very excited little boy when it comes to food! He is such a great little eater.

So life lately what can I say we are still in the midst of figuring out how to handle all the melt downs that seem to be going on. Kenzie sure is not a fan of mommy taking Jaris anywhere without her. However if she would have realized that yesterday was for shots shoe would have been very happy not to be there!

Last night was the first time that Jaris decided to use the walking toy that we have. Normally he has not shown interest in doing anything other than furniture walking, however yesterday he tried 3 times to walk all on his own. He even got a step or two in before his legs buckled and he plopped to the ground. I love watching him accomplish his milestones. He has also finally figured out what to do when mommy asks for a kiss. The kisses are still big and slobbery, yet it is so fun to watch him connect phrases mommy and daddy say with actions on his part.

Lately our church body has been working through the events that have occurred in the past. In particular a letter of apology has been written and given the the pastors of this community and also former pastors/staff members. The letter is one of repentance for the past sins of the church and one expressing sorrow for the hurt caused. This past Sunday as our pastor was sharing how he recently got to share the letter with the 2 pastors who were on staff during the split 6 years ago, and well I had to get up and go to the nursery where my children were with their dad, because I was starting to cry. There were 3 of us on staff at the time, and I was there too. I got hurt just as much as the guys. Here is the thing. If I would have been a man and not have been hired it would have been because I was not qualified enough, or because I was not the right fit. The plain and ugly truth is it is because I was born a woman. The very way I was put together by my Maker, my God, my Heavenly Father was not good enough. The harsh reality is that who I was as a daughter of God was attacked, and not by God it was attacked by those I was friends with. The reality is at the time I never asked to be called a pastor. I just wanted to share the amazing love Jesus has for ALL of us with kids in our church and our community. I once was a woman whose eyes lit up when I got to talk about the kids and youth I got to spend time hanging out with and it was my job. How great is it to get paid to do what you once loved?! While those left at our church were not the ones who I felt hurt by it does hurt now to be the forgotten one.

Alas that is my issue, one I choose to give the ball of yarn to Jesus for and then let go of the end I could walk away with. Maybe all I needed to do to for my self here was to acknowledge that I got hurt, and that there are still days where it hurts. Not as much for me anymore, more for my daughter who I never want her to grow up feeling the way I have that the way she was created by God is not good enough for others. That some how God made a mistake in gifting her with abilities that only men are allowed to use in church settings. So Kenzie if you ever read this when you are older please know that you are created by God as a beautiful little girl who will one day be amazing woman. And as a little girl who will one day be a grown woman you are good enough! There may be others who try to tell you in all sorts round about ways that you are not and that God would never allow you to do certain things as a woman. Instead of listening to them listen to your heart, and the voice of God telling you He loves you, his daughter. He created you and you are GOOD ENOUGH!!!!! I love you baby girl! And at the same time Jaris my son, you too are created equally as amazing by God, and you too are GOOD ENOUGH! I love you baby boy!

Swimming With the Kids! No pictures!

2011-04-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

Jaris had some routine blood work done today,just to ensure his iron levels are where they need to be. Since Jaris was on a low iron formula for the last 9 months or so the dr.'s just wanted to make sure that his iron levels are good. I was not looking forward to having to get this done as the last time this was checked I had to hold Jaris while they dug around in his arm and it completely wrecked me. Luckily today I ran in to a nurse who our family knows and she offered to hold Jaris for me so I was not the one having to hold him down. Thank you Doreen Wedel! So this is the scene. Doreen is holding Jaris on her lap, and another friend who is a lab tech is holding his arm, and the other lab tech took the blood, and they sent me out of the room. I was close by so when the deed was done I could swoop in and snuggle with Jaris. Luckily we were going swimming as a family after to distract him! Now I say luckily for the kids and Jeral, they all look fantastic in their swimming suits. me on the other hand. Oiy! While I have lost 13 of the 50 lbs I gained after having Jaris, I still struggle with how I look at the weight I am at. Actually I don't think I have ever not struggled to some degree even after I had lost 70 lbs. Then though 70 lbs was a lot to be proud of so it was not as in the fore front, and we were still trying to grow our family. The whole adoption and fertility journey was in the fore front back then. Despite my struggle with how I feel about my self weighing as much as I do, I will go swimming with my kids and husband because the joy on Jaris' face as he screeches with delight in the water is so worth it. The way Kenzie splashes while holding on for dear life to me and then by the end of our time there to see her let go and walk away from mommy just a bit is so worth my feeling a little (okay a lot) uncomfortable. A week or so ago I wrote on my facebook status something along these lines. "It is a strange phenomenon how when you love someone you will do something you thought you would never do for them." That comment was in reference to something else that was going on that week, however it applies to how I feel about putting on a bathing suit in public also. I may hate it yet for my kids I will do it. Now pictures of the grand event once a week that is another story. That will not happen until all this weight is gone and then some!!!!!!! Well that is my tidbit for today. I love how bath time give me time to multi-task. I can watch them and sit here with my laptop and blog!

Temper Tantrums, and Life

2011-04-14T08:25:00.000-07:00

Some days I find it hard to believe that this peacefully sleeping little girl is also capable of rather long and loud temper tantrums. Yet she is! And on those days I pray for calmness in our house instead of patience because we all know that if we pray for patience things tend to come our way to teach us patience and I want calm serenity instead!!!!!! Yeah I know with two 1 year olds that may be asking for a lot, oh well I am still wanting that!

So we have hit that stage of life - Temper Tantrums!!!!!! Kenzie knows what she wants and when she wants it nothing will stop her from getting it except maybe mommy!!! And when I prevent her from getting the object she is set on or do not do what she wants the crying, throwing herself on the floor, kicking, screaming, stomping all starts! I will be honest here I was hoping I was going to be one of those amazing parents who parented so well that we would not have kids who threw temper tantrums. Alas I am like almost every other normal parent out there, and temper tantrums are a part of the developmental stage my babes are in. We have noticed that on days i have to take Jaris to an appointment Kenzie has more tantrums. And if she wakes up and mommy is gone she walks around the house calling me, and once I get home I pay the price for not taking her with me. I feel so loved that she wants me and only me at times, and yet I also wonder if some of what is going on is how Kenzie is working out for now some of her attachment wounding? Jeral can be gone and it does not phase her the same way. This too shall pass and in the mean time I am doing my best to breathe, through the screaming and hold my little girl close! Jaris had his one year developmental assessment yesterday and he did great. He has come such a far way in such a short time! While we still have some things to work on in strengthening his legs some more, and working on his speech. However that will come. He has a very vocal sister! In the area of problem solving his abilities are beyond that of his age group. So needless to say knowing that helps us to feel a lot better! Jaris likes to focus on one task before moving to the next task. He likes to know that he has it down pat, knows it inside and out before moving on. While we will still see physio from time to time the developmental part of the program is discharging us. Yeah!!!!! And they may have found a type of shoe that will fit Jaris! We are hoping to go try them on tomorrow! His feet are not only wide they are very thick and trying to get good supportive shoes or boots for him is impossible. So roobis, crocks, and sandals it is for now and even then the crocks have to be a size to big for his feet to fit. Well I wanna get back to playing with the kids. So blessings and hope that life is grand for all of you who read this blog!

Jaris Birthday Part 2 and our Oliver trip

2011-04-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

Kenzie showing off for everyone! She looked like she had a black eye, and when she realized that is she hammed it up people would pay more attention to her than her brother!

Jaris after mommy took his hand and smashed the cake! He was not to happy about it. He was so gentle with the cake and so careful. I have a feeling that my son is going to grow up to be a gentle giant!

Kenzie getting some snuggles with Uncle Ray!

Jaris carefully taking icing off of his teddy bear cake. My mom made two cakes, and so in the end Jaris got to have one all to himself! Once he was done the cousins and friends dug in with forks!

Yummy, measuring cups! Eating grandma's measuring cup and showing off a bit for the camera!

Kenzie riding the stuffed camel at Grandma and Grandpa's

Sitting all by herself in a big girl chair at A&W eating french fries and drinking out of an empty cup!

Nothing but food matters to me!

Life seems to be going full speed ahead with 2 babes. Last weekend we took a day trip to Oliver to see Jeral's parents. It took the Kids a bit to warm up however once the got all warmed up they had a grand time with G & G Krahn. Our kids are just so full life and it was so fun watching them with their grandparents.

Jaris birthday part 2 happened today! It was so much fun having so many friends and family here! When Jaris woke up from his nap he was not sure what to make of the extra people, and it was so cute watching him size people up. We had pizza, chicken wings, veggies, and fruit! We ordered in the pizza. It was less stressful than trying to cook for everyone, and in true Mennonite style I had way too much food! However I would rather have way to much than not enough. Jaris still is not so sure about opening gifts and so forth, however Kenzie gets it and was such a little helper for her younger brother. It was just so much fun to be surrounded by our family and close friends. They were the ones who walked the journey of fertility issues with us. They are the ones who prayed with us and for us, and now today we got to celebrate with him the answers to our fertility prayers and the answer to our adoption prayers a year after our babes were born. I am one very blessed mommy! And with that this mommy is going to get some sleep, because I am also a tired mommy!

2011-04-02T23:05:00.000-07:00

My handsome son! Today I was in Kamloops visiting with a dear friend from Langley, who is pregnant!!!!! I took Kenzie with me and Jaris stayed home with Jeral, well when I got home Jaris was screaming, however mommy knows what my son wants, and that was food. That is all it took and he was smiling and happy again! Well food and mommy! He sure is a cute 1 year old.

I put Kenzie's hair in pig tails today for the first time. It took a bit

to get her to hold still long enough. Trying to get the clips in was a even bigger challenge, and to be honest they did not stay in long. She is growing up so fast. They both are! What I would not give to have time slowed down. To remember to savor every moment. Yet life happens and some days we are so tired that it is enough to just get to the next moment, next hour, to bed time!!!!!! :)

That is all for tonight! I have so many thoughts running through my head and so much I would like to write however not now! Maybe in the next week I will get around to writing about last Sunday and what I shared. We will see!

Jaris' 1st Birthday Part One

2011-04-01T11:03:00.000-07:00

At the end of the night Kenzie decided to show us how she can multi-task with three Iphones. She had mine, Auntie Lisa's, and Jackie's. While Jaris tends to bite them, Kenzie has figured out how to push the button and slide the thing over to get into all the apps and so forth. She is one smart cookie!

That is one good looking cup cake! However an even better looking cup cake holder! My niece Jaydn!

Auntie Lisa and Rachel. I would be so bold as to say that Rachel is the favorite cousin. Probably because she spends so much time with us helping out! We are blessed to have her so close by!

Jaris not sure what to do with his cup cake! Normally he would chow down on something like this. I think all the commotion and focus on him by so many threw him off a bit, or maybe he was full from the fabulous dinner Auntie Jodi made!

The pin wheeles have been found. Auntie Jodi was thoughtful enough to get Kenzie her own however she still made off with Jaris' too!

Blowing our the candle on the cupcakes!

The Cupcakes nice decorated by my nieces!

The Birthday Boy with his Uncle Mark! Our kids love their Unlce Mark, maybe that is because he is so much fun! Before the rest of us could get Jaris laughing Uncle Mark had Jaris giggling away when he was a little baby!

My handosme 1 year old!

And his Older yet smaller sister! Acting all silly with

her many faces!

So we had Jaris' first birthday part one on Sunday March 27th (his actual birthday), and part two will be April 9th. The reason for two Birthdays is because a good group of our friends and family were going to be gone on his actual birthday. However Auntie Lisa, Jackson, and Jaydn were here so we wanted to celebrate with them.

So Part One

We woke up on Sunday morning and all got ready for church as I was speaking (I am not a fan of calling it preaching as I have an aversion to that word). And Jaris was not feeling good so he ending up coming up with me for the first little while, which I thought was fitting since the last time I was speaking I was 9 weeks pregnant with him, and had a puke bucket with me. This time on his Birthday I had my son in my arms. I will post more about what I shared about in another post. After church we came home, had left over pizza and sandwich's, and put the babes down for a nap. Then Lisa, Jackson, Jaydn, Rachel, and I went to Vernon to get a few things. I had to get a card. Of all the things to forget, I forgot to get my son a card.

When we got home, Rachel, Jaydn, and Lisa decorated the cupcakes for Jaris' party and I got busy wrapping presents and the woke the babes up to get them ready to go over to Uncle Mark and Aunite Jodi's for dinner and the party. And well Jaris was a very happy boy because his first girl friend Jackie was there! she is only almost 19 years older, so sadly he has had to let her go! Waiting for him would mean waiting a long time. However he has vowed to take out any boy, or man that hurts her!!!!! ;0 Seeing that he has such big muscles and so forth! We had a wonderful Greek dinner made affectionately by Auntie Jodi, and then a bunch of us went for a walk which was nice. Afterwards we sang Jaris Happy Birthday, let him (okay mommy) blowout the candle and then he opened up his gifts. He was not to sure about this part. However Auntie Jodi gets and A for the pin wheels after seeing those nothing else mattered! Auntie Lisa got Jaris food - the best way to his heart is food that is for sure! Then is was time to dig into his cupcake, which he acted a little out of character. Normally he would stuff his face, however he cautiously grabbed at the cup cake and ate it in little chunks. He still made a mess, however here is hoping that for part 2 he really goes to town.

After that Jaris was exhausted so daddy to him home and to sleep he went.

So other than that what else has been going on in the Krahn home? Kenzie got a nasty cough and cold and she is teething her eye teeth. Definitely has made for some very loud and interesting nights. Yet I have also enjoyed many snuggles with her which is so nice. I love cuddle times and so does Kenzie as long as it is just me and her, if I pick her brother up and try to snuggle with him too Kenzie has a bit of a rough time with that as sharing is still something that seems to be a concept far away yet. She is also into everything. I thought we had baby proofed the house pretty good, however she gets into places and I shake my head thinking how the heck did she get into there? She is resource full.

Jaris also got the cold, and a nasty one it is at that. We also shipped our birds and it was a night that was particularly difficult to get the kids down and as I was snuggling Kenzie and she was almost asleep I heard Jaris wake up crying and I thought I would leave him until I had Kenzie asleep and then I would go get him. About 5 minutes later I hear a LOUD THUMP and realize it was Jaris he had toppled out of his crib. I went running down the hall with Kenzie in my arms (she woke up at this point), opened his door to find him behind the door screaming and trying to sit up. Thankfully Auntie Jodi was able to come over and snuggle with Kenzie so I could take Jaris to the ER just to get checked out. He was fine, just some bruising on his knees as that is how he landed. I honestly have not been that scared in a while. Note to self Jaris is taller than most kids his age and if there is anything he can climb on he will!!!! So happy he is climbing and moving around, just not a fan of my son toppling out of his crib.

Last week we had my mom out for a few days. I had wanted to clean out the sun room, and reorganize the things we were actually keeping in there, however it is hard to get things done I find with two little ones tugging at my legs. Up until now it has been storage for boxes and things that we were not sure what to do with. It did not take as long as I thought it would. However I also decided that since a lot of it has been in there since we got married and i have not missed it then I did not need it so to the dump it went! So now we need to decide what we are going to do with the sun room. I may move all my painting stuff down into it, not sure yet! All I know is right now I enjoy looking into it from the kitchen and not seeing a pile of boxes and a huge mess.

Happy Birthday My Son

2011-03-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

A year ago I was in labour and soon to give birth to my amazing little boy Jaris Zachery Krahn. I still have a hard time believing that tomorrow he is going to 1 year old. Wow time has gone by so fast. I still remember the day he was born. It is hard not too especially with all the extra things that happened yet the thing I remember the most was how he wanted to just look at me. After I was stabilized, Jaris was placed back on my chest and for the rest of the night he snuggled in and would lift his head a bit just to look and then snuggle back in. He was so tiny, and so fragile. I remember looking at his tiny chest as he was breathing and counting his ribs. He was perfect in every way. This past months have gone by so fast.

So as we celebrate your first year of life my son I want to write down a some memories. For the first two months of his life he refused to sleep anywhere except on my chest, and then after then he nestled in to the crook of my arm. If I put him in the play pen or crib I got less rest so sleeping with mommy it was.

We got the biggest scares of our lives when we Jaris had to undergo some genetic testing. We knew no matter how the tests came back our love for Jaris would not change. I remember crying as we thought about the future we had hoped for with you and how that might all change, yet still knowing that no matter what we loved you and that was a constant. When all the test came back and nothing was wrong I was so relieved, and yet still baffled as to your weak muscles and rather larger head! Despite all the test coming back normal we still had our fears. However then as time went on and we set out goals for you to meet with our help you meet them all a head of schedule. So many firsts in this past year.

First smile, first laugh, first time rolling over, first time commando crawling, first time sitting up on your own, first time crawling, first time pulling your self up to standing, first time sleeping in your own room (I sure did not sleep that night as I was constantly afraid I would not hear you crying), first time furniture walking, first time eating oat cereal, first time eating solid food, first word, which was buba, and then dada, first cold, first tooth. I have treasured every one of them including the first cold because of all the snuggles and cuddles I got. Oh and the first night of many when you were sleeping through the night! I look forward to many more first and whatever else may come in the years to come.

Jaris has this cute way of smiling at someone new when he meets them and then snuggling into me all shy like. I totally do not mind the snuggle in. I love hearing him babble to his sister and his dad in the mornings. I love how he will pick up his food and stuff it into his mouth.

My son is a miracle, and a gift. Never in a million years could i have imagine how this past year was and how amazing it is being Jaris' mom. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-03-18T15:56:00.001-07:00

Yesterday evening as I was bathing the kids and getting ready to go to a coffee shop to work on a "sermon" for a couple of Sundays from now I read one of the phrases I have on a cue card around my bathroom mirror. The card reads "My body is in the process of being healed and will one day fully be healed, I am deserving and worthy of healing." I was struck with what that meant to me back when I wrote that and what it means to me now. Back about 2 and a half years ago maybe 3 (my brain is still foggy some days. The joys of being a mom), for me that meant to me that I would eventually be skinny, my uterus and ovaries would be healed so I could get pregnant, the PCOS I have would be gone and all the other side effects that come with PCOS too. Now I would write it a little different the new card I need to write would read "I am in the process of being healed and will one day fully be healed. I am deserving and worthy of being healed in every way, physically, emotionally, spiritually etc." Healing is more than just a physical body thing. Anyways I will leave that thought there!

Now onto my beautiful babes which I know is the reason most of you read the blog. We have decided to make swimming at the pool in Vernon a weekly event. Today was the first time that Kenzie started to venture away from us a little bit in the kiddie pool. Normally she hangs on to me for dear life afraid that I will leave her there! Jaris gets super excited to be in the big pool with us. today though we saw some floating poop and I can tell you it was not from our kids. Yuck is all I have to say.

Kenzie is into puppies and everything seems to be a puppy even I am a puppy and she woofs at me! It honestly is very cute. We even got her to woof on the phone for Grandma Krahn the other night. She also has a language all her own. Hearing her talk is one of the most adorable things every. It is hard to explain and better to see and hear in person! We also have a tough time keeping her from climbing on everything. The word share is also not in her vocabulary - however I think she will need to learn what "mine" means before she will truly understand what "share" means. We were out getting our passport done yesterday and we kept getting comments about how beautiful our little girl was and what a great personality she has. Probably has to do with the fact that she was waving at everyone and motioning for them to come over with her hand, and then she would talk to them.

Jaris is getting better at furniture walking every day, and he sure loves to stand up and play at the ottoman on on the couch! Getting him to spend more time crawling is getting harder all the time. Jaris eats everything he finds and sees. We cannot leave a book or a magazine laying in an area he can get at because before we know it he has it in his hands and is eating it. He looks at me and smiles when he is eating it too, and when I pick him up and finger sweep his mouth to get it out he looks at me with his baby blues and starts to cry! What a boy! He is teething again so here is hoping his 18 month old molars come in easier than Kenzie's did because that was not fun for her and looked very painful. I am so glad that I do not remember how much that hurt!

I am loving the extra say light that we are getting. It means I can take the kids on walks in the evenings and the grumpy time is a little easier to handle. For some reason once the stroller is moving the grumpies stop! Now if only they were as tired as mommy after wards that would be great!

Well there you have it! Blessings to you all!

2011-03-07T21:55:00.000-08:00

Being a mom sometimes is heart wrenching! Kenzie has never liked saying goodbye to people and when she sees them going out the door she ofter follows and has a sad look on her face. Now that Kenzie is walking and running all over the place it is getting hard for me to leave the house on Mondays if she is not taking a nap when I need to go. It is as though she has this instinct that mommy is going somewhere without her and she is not a fan of the idea. For example last week Thursday I needed to go buy a bathing suit so we could take the kids to the public pool on Friday and the plan was I was going by myself as trying clothes on is easier without two little ones with me. However as I was about to leave Kenzie stood at the door crying and well that was all it took for me to pick her up and tell Jeral I was taking her with me. Sometimes I wonder if she is scared that mommy is not coming back and this is how she lets us know that she wants to make sure I am coming back. On the upside when I get home and she hears my voice I always hear her throw down whatever toy she is playing with and then she comes running to find me! I like that!

On a different note, Kenzie is speaking a new word and it is puppies! Well her variation of puppies. Auntie Jodi is the one who figured it out! I am sure in the next weeks and month there will be all sorts of word that we figure out. I love hearing her talk!

Kenzie and Jar Bear

2011-03-04T17:48:00.000-08:00

Kenzie attempting to climb up the slide in the toy room. She actually did it once I put the camera/phone down. She gets into everything these days and her brother is not far behind!

Jaris and his smiling face! Sorry about the lighting. The pictures are taken with my Iphone.

We took the kids out for supper the other night and they did really well sitting there as long as they did. Kenzie is growing up so fast and now can drink from a straw. Actually she has been doing that for a few months now.

Jaris filling his cute cheeks with yam fries and bread! His shirt says "My Mom's tattoo's are cooler than yours!" Smart boy my son is to pick up on that!!!

Here he is giving me a look as if to sat what are you doing mom quit with the pictures!

Well life is moving along some days I wish for the days when they wanted to cuddle more and run away from me less!!!! However those days for the most part seem to have slipped by :(

Kenzie the other day was coming down stairs crawling backwards while Jeral watched and I came by the stairs and said her name and she bolted back up the stairs, stood up and ran for our bedroom! She had something in her mouth that she knew I would take out if I caught her so she ran to the room and spit it out right where she found it! What a little turkey! I am so blessed to be her mama!

Naps with Jaris are hit and miss these days which makes me go oiy!!!!! I had really loved them taking naps at the same time. Howver we will get it back on track. The days we go out are the days that things are affected the most. Staying home every day almost is worth it when they nap for 2-3 hours at the same time!

I have lots I want to blog about however the babes are in need of their mama so I guess that will have to wait for now! Enjoy the pictures of my amazing children!

Embracing the Cough

2011-02-28T14:44:00.000-08:00

Were does time go to! Some days I find myself counting down the hours to nap time and then to bed time, and yet then I blink and my babes are 14 months and 11 months.

So my 14 month old is a smarty pants that is for sure. she has figured out how to unlock my Iphone and I thought that she would not get it, however I think she was paying close attention to me when I would play with it and was working on figuring it out. Her bottom 18 month old molars have finally cut through. I am one happy mama about that. It means less middle of the night wakes up to a screaming and in pain baby girl. As a mother I feel helpless when I know I have done everything I can to help ease the pain and swelling and yet they still are in pain and it still hurts. This past month of colds was like that. Colds and teething, AHHHHHHHH! However I am happy to say that I think we have turned the corner and we are all getting better.

Jaris, my 11 month old is doing amazing. He is pulling himself up to standing and now shuffling along the couch and moving from holding the couch to the ottoman all by himself! WOW talk about a proud mama!!!!!!!!!!! I love watching him and how proud he is of himself. He also can crawl up the stairs from our toy room to our living room. He still has trouble with the reverse, however we will take it one step at a time. These days our fears and worries about his abilities seem to have disappeared. Someone who were to meet him now would never know that there was a time we were fearful and worried that he would never be able to sit up, crawl, walk, talk etc. I thought I may never hear him say Mama, or Dada, and now we hear that all the time. God is good, God would be good even if Jaris was not able to do all these things. I may find it harder to say, however the truth is no matter what God is with us and holding us and loving us!

Jeral's knee is doing fantastic, so much so that he does the chores more than I do. Some days it is just easier and more time efficient if he does them. Yet I still get the odd chicken thinking morning while I am doing the chores.

I got really sick last week. Whatever the kids and Jeral had for the past month hit me hard, and I was coughing up a storm. However I learned something from being sick. Since the coughing hurt so much I tended to fight the coughing and thus extended the time I was cough two fold as well as the pain. If I would have embraced the coughing and just let it happen when it was happening, while it would have been extremely painful in the moment, the moment would have passed and the gunk in my chest would have come up and I would have then enjoyed a break from the coughing for a bit. Yet because I was stubborn thinking I could fight with the cough and win I extended the length of time it took for the gunk to come up as well as the pain. each little cough hurt almost as much as a big cough. Once I figured that out it was big coughs are welcome!!!!! Normally I am not one to ask God what can he teach me through being sick - I would rather medicate and feel great while being sick. This time was different, and while the lesson was taught through my being sick, it is more than just about me accepting getting a cold. This translates into everyday life. I am not one to accept something I do not like, I fight it and try my best to change it even if it is something that has already happened. Yet the key to moving on is moving through whatever is going on by accepting it, embracing it for what it is, and in many cases also talking about it and feeling the emotions attached to it with someone safe. I know I have a long way to go with this. Yet I am thankful for the little reminders by Jesus.

2011-02-20T14:37:00.001-08:00

So we have hit 4 weeks of the kids being sick! So not fun, and that is a bit of an understatement. This past week Kenzie has been so not herself. Normally our little girl is all smiles and is not one to cuddle all day. This week she has spent a lot of time crying and basically just not sure what to do with herself. Getting her to eat has been hard, and getting her to drink anything has been even harder. I had to spoon feed her with the medicine dropper. She has wanted me to hold her and walk around, however if I sit down she starts crying, and well there is no way she wants me holding her brother when I am supposed to be holding her. I have spent many nights this past week walking around our house with her in my arms when everyone else is asleep. One night it was 3 hours of her screaming until she finally fell asleep from exhaustion. It sort of reminds me of a year ago when Kenzie was 7 weeks or so and she got a cold and then I got it and I basically walked around carrying her all day in my arms. if I sat down then to rock her she freaked out so I walked, plus walking meant I could breathe a bit myself.

Jaris has also been sick for the past 4 weeks. His disposition is a little different than Kenzie's, while she lets you know very vocally that she is upset and wants you to fix the problem for her. Jaris is a little vocal until mommy is holding him or daddy is holding him in just the right way. And what is the right way, well at night it seems to be skin to skin. The whole sucking snot out of their noses this is like world war 3 around here. It does not go over well at all. Funny how little babes do not like it and yet as an adult if the snot sucker worked on me I would totally use it when I am sick. Once he is all snuggled in with a soother if he can breathe enough to use it he is good to go. Both of them are coughing up a storm. Jaris has twice coughed up the biggest load of snot all over me. Yuck I know! I am at the point now where if the snot is running down both their noses and I am not in the vicinity of kleenex I just use my fingers and wipe it off on my jeans. Yep gross, I got it, however we are so used to snot in this house that I have left go of some of my princess ways and gotten back to my camp days when in that instant you make due with what you have. Yet with all of this sickness stuff going on it has been a treasure to watch Jaris and Kenzie keep developing and progressing in their abilities. Both are doing great in that department.

I look forward to the day when our family is no longer sick, and here is hoping that is soon!

Sleeping Beauties

2011-02-17T21:48:00.000-08:00

My baby girl sound asleep! I guess the back pack was comfortable because even after I took it off and put it on the floor at Wendy's she stayed asleep. Well either it is comfy or she was just tired!

We stopped at my mom's house the other day and Jeral dropped me off while he went to sell our dodge diesel truck. Well I went into the kitchen for a moment and came out to see my son standing at the stairs. He crawled over and pulled himself up all by himself. Wow!!!! It was a proud mama moment!

Jeral and I recently bought back packs for taking the kids on hikes. Well we decided to test the back packs out right after we bought them and well this is Jaris all nice and comfy.

So Monday was Valentines Day and it sort of snuck up on me. I had a bit of a rough afternoon evening and when I got home from Kelowna this is what I walked into. Jeral had both babes in their high chairs, the lights were out and the candles were lit. Kenzie was saying Mama, and Jaris was babbling away and well I started crying! Oiy, not much of a crier, yet this definitely got me crying. I sure am a very blessed wife and mother!

So life lately, well we are still trying to get over the cold that hit our house a few weeks ago. We have had some long nights here, however I don't mind all the cuddles.

2011-02-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

This is how I found Jaris a couple of days ago. he woke up at 5:30 am and would not go back to sleep so Jeral got up with his, and at about 9 am he got really quiet and when I turned around to see what was going on he was sound asleep, so I ran upstairs to grab he camera. He is so adorable! I love being his mama!

My little girl! I love how she loves teddy bears and soft things. just like her forever mama! I still sleep with a teddy bear or two! And yes she is holding a nice big fat licorice! It helps on the days when nothing seems to work with teething.

I have been wanting to post for a few days, however life with two babes and being sick with the cold that keeps on giving has hindered this. So what is new around here!

We are on round two of the cold that keeps giving! So not fun. I think the kids are on the mend, however I am hoping that by tomorrow my cold miraculously is gone because I have an appointment with and ENT Dr. to talk about my constantly congested nose! I really do not want him to think that the cold is the reason for it. Plus our barns are empty and we are hoping to have some time to do family things and that will not be as fun for me if I am sick!

Kenzie - all I can say is wow. Her walking has opened up a whole new world for her and I am constantly thinking she is in one place only to realize she is not! The other day I did not know she was behind me and I took a frying pan out of the cupboard to make her lunch and as I turned around I whacked her in the head. I felt awful! She is a pro at climbing up and sliding down stairs. We were at a friends house last night and Kenzie was going down the stairs backwards, and when she saw me coming to get her she started sliding even faster. She is a smartie pants my little girl!

Jaris - He is sitting up all on his own these days without the help of Mama! I was sitting on the rocking chair the other night and I had plunked Jaris down to play with a toy when he saw another toy so down to his stomach he went to crawl over and normally that is it he is on his back or stomach until one of us helps him sit up. Yet to my amazement I went in the the kitchen to grab something and when I cam back he was sitting up! Since then he seems to want to move non-stop and show off his sitting skills. I think for me watching him reach these milestones is all the more amazing because there was a time when we were legitimately not sure if he would ever be able to do something as simple as sitting up on his own. Now he crawls, he laughs, he smiles, he talks, he makes eye contact, holds his own bottle, picks up food and feeds himself, and sits up on his own, among other things.

I am a lucky mama to have two such amazing babes. Periodically I think back to what life was like a year ago and I did that last week. A year ago I had a tiny newborn baby girl and was 7.5 months pregnant and sick. Life was a complete fog. Now a year later, life is not a total fog anymore. I am sick yet again :( , however this time I am pretty sure the congestion will not stay for the next 6 weeks or so!!!!!!

Walking, Crawling, and Food Throwing

2011-02-01T11:34:00.000-08:00

Sorry I have not posted in a while. We have all been sick and life with sick kids is so different than life when it was just Jeral and I and one of us got sick. I must admit it seems that everything on the outside world stops when little babes are not feeling well. It has been a week and a bit here and just when I thought that kids were getting better they both have developed a cough. Add to that insomnia on mama's part and wow life has to stand still just to some what function. Oh well!

So what is new?

Kenzie is walking all over the place and a whole new world has opened up. There was lost of freedom in crawling however the freedom of walking wow! I must admit it is a little surreal to see her walking up to me or to turn around and have her standing there and i had no clue she was there! Yet it is also the best feeling in the world to have her hear me come in the house when I get home from my weekly trip to Kelowna and she comes run/walking down the hallway with her arms open wanting me to pick her up for a great big hug. I am a lucky mommy that is for sure. She is starting to say more words, or let me correct that we are starting to understand her a little bit better! I love listening to her talk and babble aways. However i love her laugh. When she and Jaris get going it is the best thing in the world. Okay with kids there are a lot of best things in the world!!!!

Jaris is getting better at commando crawling, he is getting fast! Put the right motivation in front of him and wow watch him go! Yes a bottle is normally the right motivation, however he also has his favorite toy, and both kids love books, so put a book out of arms reach and he will go for it! i think he is going to be a reader as he gets older! He is talking lots and definitely knows when mommy or daddy have taken something away that he wants. It is also fun to watch him watch his sister. I know he so wants to keep up with her and follow her, yet his little muscles just are not able to keep his big body going at the same rate. However one day those muscles will get bigger and wow i know I will be running non-stop.

As parents we are trying to figure out how to correct and guide our babes the best we can. Kenzie is in a stage of throwing everything off of her tray when she is finished eating or just to get a reaction out of us. Telling her ta-ta or no does not seem to work for throwing the food. However ta ta works rather well for other things.With the food thing She just looks at us and laughs, which is so cute, and so hard not to laugh at, however we are trying to teach her that there are other ways of telling mommy and daddy that she is done with out makig such a huge mess. Jaris doesn't throw food yet. However he may never since he loves to eat so much. The bottle on the other hand has been chucked a few times. I guess we as parents are getting out of the stage where everything is so cute and we do not need to worry about correction and guidance as much to now needing to think about it more. I am glad though that Jeral and I are on the same page with this. I think it would be very hard to be on separate pages. The benefit of going through the adoption process it made us stop, think, and talk about how we want to guide and correct our children when that is needed. Parenting is not all hugs, kisses, and snuggles!

Jeral - he has a cortisone shot last week and his knee is doing better. I still want to do most of the chores however it is nice knowing that some days I can ask him to do them so I can spend a little more time with my babes! I know not being able to be as mobile as he would have liked to be was taking a toll on him. He likes to be active and I know he wants to be an active dad and the thought of not getting to go on hikes, or go on bike trips with our family was not a happy thought. However all seems good for now and we are thankful that no knee replacement is needed as of now.

Me- well what can I say? Life is moving along some days are great and others are not so great that is life! I am thankful that as the babes are getting older taking care of them seems to be easier, or maybe it is just different. So there you have it, our life as of late! With that I say have a great day!

Being 32

2011-01-18T14:05:00.001-08:00

Well it official, I am 32 years old. The other day I was thinking that I am now closer to 40 than I am to 20 oiy!

So what did we do - Jeral took me out and got me my new Iphone 4. So excited for that. We aslo went out for dinner and saw a movie and the whole time I wondered how the babes were doing. I have never been gone from both of them for 7 hours so it was a stretch and yet it was nice to be on a date with the man I love and adore.

This past year of my life has been so full of so many experiences.

I became a mother twice over through different ways, and both equally as beautiful as they were challenging. Kenzie and Jaris are my miracles. The ups and downs of sleep deprivation, just when you think the schedule is all worked out something changes.
I got to be at the birth of my niece Madalyn - which was an amazing experience.
I have gotten to see first hand how much joy both my babes bring to not only us, also to others around us.
Jumped for joy when Kenzie rolled over, crawled, said Mama and new what she was saying, and walked for the first time. Oh and i better not forget all the times she has crawled up on my lap to read a book or just to give me kisses.
Kenzie's Adoption was finalized, and she also had her first Birthday all in this past year of my life.
Jaris - we had a big scare when we were not sure why he was so floppy, and then he turned it all around and we have gotten to watch him get stronger, and smile, and talk/babble - starting to crawl the way he does. Sitting up and playing.
Lost a bunch of weight in one day thanks to giving birth :) Only to then over the next few month put a bunch of weight back on :( I will get it off in time!
A relationship of approximately 4 years with one therapist ended and a new relationship with another one began.
Enjoying a summer with babes and going swimming with them. They love to swim.
Going to Soccer games with the big beast stroller and having everyone fall in love with our babes.
Getting constantly asked if we have twins and finally coming to a place of just being able to say yes, instead of telling everyone the long, yet amazing story.
Taking the kids out in the snow on a sled - I think we have years of that a head of us.
Starting to do chores in the chicken barns again - not sure if I saw that one coming!

There are lots of other experiences that have been amazing and as I look back I think that there are only 2 big regrets.

Regret number one - not listening to my inner feelings when I felt that we needed to stay home from a family function. Listening and staying home would have been the wise thing to do. I can tell you that will never happen again.
Regret number 2 - being to afraid to tell someone I care about how much I was really hurt by certain things. Instead I pushed away and said I had said all I needed to say. Oh well such is life and the way it goes. Some things are easier to do than others. Maybe one day I will get to a point where I will be able to say everything or maybe one day I will get to the point where it does not really matter anymore.

So yeah it has been a full year. Mostly in part due to my amazing little babes. I am not sure if I really knew who life altering and busy I would be with two babes at once. However I would say that this last year for 31-32 has been one of the most challenging, heart breaking, and yet joyous and amazing years of my life. So with that I will say I am looking forward to the future!

LIfe as Of Late

2011-01-13T14:08:00.001-08:00

Tuesday this past week both kids had dr.'s check ups and well my 9 month old son tipped the scales at 25lbs, 11 oz., and he is 31.5 inches long. Kenzie weighed in at 21 lbs and I do not remember how long she is. When Kenzie and Jaris stand next to each other Jaris is taller. Jaris also had physio yesterday and he started showing off for the ladies. At one point they were asking me if he was able to get up on all fours and start rocking back and forth, and I said nope not yet. Well no joke less than a minute after that Jaris was up on all fours and rocking and talking and showing off. I am so proud of both my babes.

I have started doing the chores on our farm which I am enjoying. Jeral has a really bad knee and some days can barely walk on it and since the barns are 350 feet in length and each barn is walked four times, there is no way his knee can hold out so I after about 4 years have gone back into the barns, and I liking it. The time to think is great. I may not give him back the barns after his knee feels better.

We are looking forward to a family trip in February when our birds have shipped. Once again the trip is to Abbotsford and Vancouver! We tend not to be too creative. Plus traveling to where family and friends are makes the trip great for the kids and we get that little bit of extra helping hands with them. As both of them get older it makes traveling harder, well the nights are more difficult however that is life! And give it a few years and life and traveling will be easier!

Life Lately

2011-01-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

Kenzie has decided it is time to color, so I guess I need to order soy based crayons so that way when she decides to eat them I know that it is okay.

Showing off his skills for mama! Jaris was commando crawling and rolling all over the living room floor this afternoon.

A birthday present for a friends son. I have started making blankets again. I made a fuzzy one for Kenzie with flowers and decided I would try a teddy bear one for my friends son who also had his first birthday party recently.

Getting ready to go for a walk with Mommy and Auntie Karen!

Kenzie out like a light on our way to Kamloops on Christmas day! She was so adorable we took a picture!

Jaris and daddy on Christmas day before we went over to Mark and Jodi's for lunch! We had a great time hanging out with them and the Baylis family.

Our Christmas at home with the kids. I went crazy and got them lots this year! Kenzie loves sitting and relaxing in soft chairs so we got her a very soft chair to lounge in and she decided it was nicer to lounge this way than the way the chair is meant to be sat in! She is a smart cookie my daughter!

Jaris and one of his new toys!

Jaris pulling at the paper. Really we could have given them boxes and paper and they would have had a great Christmas!

I think I managed to find every Fisher Price Surprise Pop Up Block and by it for them

Christmas Eve and Jaris in his suit! Looking snazzy my son, looking snazzy!

Ready to go to Church for the Christmas Eve Service. This was the best shot I could get, before the kids rebelled . I love the dress we had for Kenzie I even had a head band thingy for her to wear however I had to settle for a clip because she kept taking the head band with a flower off!

So I know I have been not blogging as much lately. I have preferred to spend time snuggling with my babes. I guess I am saying that things are going to be slowing down from here on in. I know that my friends and family who read the blog enjoy seeing pictures of the kids and getting to watch them grow and develop, and yet I am feeling the need to spend less time on the computer and more time with my babes and husband (that is once the babes are in bed).

So what is new for us?

Jaris - we are so proud of him, he is such an amazing little boy. He is commando crawling these days. Basically when he wants something he pushes with his feet and uses his arms to drag himself. This was a goal that was set for him to meet in a 5 - 6 month time range and he did it in 2 months!!!!!!!! He is talking up a storm theses days. Not sure what he is saying however we know he is talking and trying to tell us stories. My favorite time of the day with him is right after he wakes up from his nap and he is making noise to let me know it is time to get him. When I walk into the room and say mama is here he stops whatever he is doing and pushes up on his arms to get himself as high as he can go to see me and gives me the best smile in the world. My heart melts and I am a mush ball! Jaris still is not sleeping through the night, however I can hardly complain about that since Jeral chooses to get up for Jaris 4:30 am feed and then snuggles with him until 7:30 am.

Kenzie - she is walking by herself these days. She still is faster at scootching, however she is taking more steps on her own every day. I know that once she is walking I will be running non-stop after her, however I think it will be fun most days. Plus I need to start running around. Kenzie has also started to crawl up to me just to snuggle for a second or two, give me a few kisses and then go right back to playing. I love that! Once again something in the day to melt my heart. Kenzie for the most part is sleeping through the night!!!!! Yeah for that, since I am the one who gets up with her normally, and yet I do not mind the odd night that I need to go snuggle and cuddle for a little while.

Jeral and I had our 4th anniversary. Wow 4 years where has the time gone? This year we chose to spend our anniversary with Jeral's sister and her family. They were in Oliver for a while so we went and joined them. Honestly it was the perfect way to spend it - with people we love plus the extra hands with the kids is always a bonus.

Jeral just bought a new to us farm truck. It is a 2007 Chev Silverado, with a full crew cab. Jeral knee has been giving him problems so it was time to retire the big standard diesel. I am looking forward to driving it too! Seriously in the past year we have bought Van, Jeral bought a motor cycle, and now a truck. Oiy an expensive year it has been.

Me, well what can I say I am going to be 32 soon. Wow that used to seem so old and now it just doesn't any more. My biceps get a good work out every day carrying both Kenzie and Jaris around. This afternoon after I got Jaris I was walking out of his room with him in my arms thinking man having one kid would be so easy, and yet I went straight to Kenzie's room and scooped her up in my other arm and then carried them both down stairs at the same time. Yeah that is an extra 50 pounds of weight, and i could not imagine life without either babe in my arms. In February I see a ENT Specialist to see if there is anything that can be done to help me breathe better.

MacKenzie First Birthday

2010-12-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

It has been a while. Let me just say that teething has totally taken it's toll on this family. Both Babes are teething up a storm and I really mean that. We have gone from having a great schedule to nothing seems to work other than screaming at times. Oh well that is life, so here are the pictures from Mackenzie's first Birthday! What a Birthday it was and we are so blessed that a year ago she came into our lives, our home, and more importantly our hearts!

More interested in the bag than the gift! Gotta love this stage. This was take on her actually Birthday, the big party was the next day!
This is how she kisses these days she bites on the nose or anywhere she can. Both Jeral and I have experienced this type of kissing first had however it is cute when she is practicing on her teddy bear that Jaris gave her!

Pointing at mommy after having a great pancake breakfast on her birthday!

The day of the party, my mom (aka-Grandma J.) was here and she made Kenzie this butterfly cake! Thanks Grandma we all love you!

Kenzie's turn to blow out the candles, she was not sure what to do when everyone was singing to her at one point I thought she was going to cry!

The after math! After everyone got a piece we let Kenzie have at it with s chunk of cake! The I gave in and let her actually have some pop too!

Opening the birthday presents! Still not sure what to do with the wrapping paper so mommy got to open the gifts!

Playing with the new toy from Auntie Karen and Uncle Ray! Kenzie's friend came all the way from out east to be here so we were super happy that the two of them got to play and interact together.

And here is a family picture from earlier in the day!

So there you have it our amazing little girls first Birthday! We are so blessed to get to be her mommy and daddy and we will never take for granted the gift that she is! Happy Birthday little Kenzie you are so loved!!!!!!